Primary Goal: To practice being more disciplined about writing every day, and to test the waters to see if I want to be a writer
Label Categories:
Secondary Goal: To capture the weeks leading up to and first months of living in New York
Label Categories:
- Creative Writing
- Different poems, short stories, scripts, drabbles, and miscellaneous writings that don't fit in the other categories
- Current Contemplation
- Different philosophical, theological, and general thoughts I've had about my life, society, media, etc. (essentially my "Deep Thoughts About Stuff" label)
- David Bowie
- Various discoveries, research, and thoughts related to the artist
- Essays related to the book I want to publish one day about Bowie
- Life Highlights
- Various highlights of my day/week/month (time frames will vary)
- Essentially the written form of what I usually post about on my other social media
- Wardrobe of Moral Imagination
- "All the decent drapery of life is to be rudely torn off. All the superadded ideas, furnished from the wardrobe of a moral imagination, which the heart owns, and the understanding ratifies, as necessary to cover the defects of our naked shivering nature, and to raise it to dignity in our own estimation, are to be exploded as a ridiculous, absurd, and antiquated fashion." - Edmund Burke
- Inspired by my incomparable mentor from Torrey Honors, Dr. Wright, this label is all about things I want to add to and furnish my own "Wardrobe of Moral Imagination" with (basically, things that I enjoy that I want to discuss)
Finding God and David Bowie: Why This Title?
My decision to move to New York has been a combination of many factors, but the top two have always been about following God and seeking David Bowie.
When I first thought about moving back in 2015 I wasn't sure where I wanted to go - or even if I wanted to move. In 2015 I still wanted to be an assistant director for television. I had loosely planned to stay in Los Angeles in order to build up my name before leaving for (hopefully) the BBC in London or Cardiff. In fact, when I surprised Manar with a trip to New York in January 2015 I remember thinking that the city would be great for her, but that London was still better for me. However, by the end of 2015 I made a grand discovery: David Bowie.
2016 was a rough year, but it was also a formative one. Through my new passion for All-Things-Bowie I ended up convincing my temporary-mentor, Dr. Aijian, to let me do a Torrey project in which I analysed every single song by Bowie on his main discography. I wanted to prove that he had a consistency to his work that everyone else dismissed in favour of highlighting the ch-ch-changes of the so-called "chameleon of rock".
Simultaneously while researching Bowie I was going through feelings of discontentment in Los Angeles. I didn't like the toadying media culture, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be an assistant director anymore, and I wasn't sure what Los Angeles held for me once I graduated. I also found myself struggling with finding any church I wanted to be a part of, or Christian cause I wanted to support.
In fact, one of the only church-related things I remember caring about was about a speech made by a speaker from the 2015(?) Missions Conference. The man spoke to an audience of perhaps 60 people, but I think he should've given the keynote address. His speech was one of only two speeches I remember from Missions Conference in four years. He spoke about his ministry in New York, and how we focus too much on overseas missionary work. He pointed out that we have people in our own backyard that need to hear about Christ. He spoke about his own struggle to even embrace his ministry when all he wanted (and tried to do multiple times over many years) was minister in Africa. I remember wondering what such a ministry would look like, and how important his message was to combat the idyllic "correct" image of serving on short-term mission trips abroad which seems to plague White American Christian culture.
I also remember meeting with a co-worker of mine to discuss what a career after college could look like. Being almost ten years older than me, and a producer on a set I worked on, I figured he would be able to give some good advice. I told him that I was thinking about moving away from Los Angeles, and he immediately jumped on it. He told me about how he went to school at Columbia, and wished he had stayed in New York instead of moving back home to Los Angeles. He reminisced on the people and the culture in the Big Apple, and was supportive of my decision to move. I remember that he told me not to bother laying down roots in Los Angeles if I wanted to go. His professional belief in my skill as a filmmaker, and his advice to just Do It and Go, has been something which I am grateful for to this day.
All of these seeds of discontentment were planted in 2015, but 2016 saw them bear their angsty fruit.
Meanwhile, I started to understand more about myself and my art through Bowie. Having an obsession that is so well-read, versatile (and diverse), and an influential ground-breaker in pretty much any art form is pretty convenient. Through him, I began to embrace a new identity where I could an Artist (with a capital A) who cared about the work she made in an entirely new way. I began to appreciate more types of art in different ways. I gained a respect for contemporary art, I learned all about the history of rock and roll, and I began writing again.
I also looked to Bowie for philosophy about how to BE an Artist - not just for the lofty sensibilities, but also for the reality about how to practically be one. He once joked about how he told everyone he was a businessman, although he was really an artist who pretended to be one; that couldn't be farther from the truth. He supported up and coming artists, and understood how to have longevity in a career. He also recognised that artistic integrity and commercial success were unrelated to each other. In one of my all time favourite quotes, he stated, "I don't begrudge any artist for getting an audience. I never found that poverty meant purity."
And all of what I've just mentioned is merely the tip of the iceberg for how much Bowie came to mean to me. All of this intense, intimate research ultimately made me I feel like David Robert Jones was both my mentor and companion. Through my stress about school, anxiety over changing relationships, and periodic depression he remained one of two constants in my life. And the one constant in which I felt I could access the other. The other, of course, being God.
And as I began to use Bowie to discuss everything and anything related to religion, art, society, culture, and philosophy, so too I began to foster a desire within me to imitate all the (good parts of) his life. And that meant abandoning LA for NYC. I wanted to see what Bowie saw in the city. Why did he, a world traveller who never seemed to be still for a moment, finally decided to settle down in New York City for the past twenty years? Why is it that so many artists like himself romanticise(d) the city? I had to know.
Although there were other factors considered as well.
On a practical level, I knew I wasn't ready to move to England just yet. After graduating college, I predicted I would have enough on my plate without adding a new culture, new laws, and a homesickness that couldn't be cured halfway across the world. (I was right. I'm pretty overwhelmed). It would also be easier and less expensive for me to move to New York. One plane ticket to London could be a month's worth of rent in New York, and I wouldn't have to deal with those pesky work visas.
On a personal level the move also began to make sense. I'm still not sure if I want to work in film, and New York has many opportunities for artists from all disciplines. I also felt the desire to force myself out of my comfort zone and make new friends. In California, I'm pretty set in my ways. I rarely go out, and when I do, I don't bother to meet new people since I already have a strong support system of friends and family. Whereas in New York, I know no one and consequently I will have to branch out and meet people (which I know is objectively good for you to do).
And finally, on a spiritual level, the rest of 2016 and all of 2017 aligned for me to move. I soon realised moving was part of my quest to face my fear of failure, to learn about God's grace, and to strengthen my (somewhat failing) relationship with Him through a renewal of faith via a cross-country move on my own with nothing but Him to rely on. At least, that's the plan when I'm not extremely anxious, stressed, and terrified about my loss of control and the practicalities of moving across the country.
And that's why I'm calling this blog Finding God and David Bowie. Because to me, my move is really about seeking those two things out. I want to "find" Bowie through my move. I want to live in the city that inspired him and see what he loved about it. I want to experience first hand the place that greatly influenced some of my favourite art which in turn has inspired me to be even more committed to my dream of being an Artist (with a capital A). I also hope to reconcile my dream of being an Artist with my passion and talent for being a Teacher (with a capital T). I think living in New York will help me do just that.
And even more so, I want to "find" God. I hope to do so through committing myself to being a part of a healthy church body, a renewal of my faith in a different city, and to discover and know Him in a completely new environment. Additionally, a quest to "find", or know, Christ will also lead to me finding and knowing myself (cue: Bowie's song "I Can't Help Thinking About Me"). In short, I hope to "find" God in an entirely new way that deepens my relationship with Him and helps me live the Good life, fight the Good fight, and love Him better than ever before.
So welcome to my blog: Finding God and David Bowie.
2016 was a rough year, but it was also a formative one. Through my new passion for All-Things-Bowie I ended up convincing my temporary-mentor, Dr. Aijian, to let me do a Torrey project in which I analysed every single song by Bowie on his main discography. I wanted to prove that he had a consistency to his work that everyone else dismissed in favour of highlighting the ch-ch-changes of the so-called "chameleon of rock".
Simultaneously while researching Bowie I was going through feelings of discontentment in Los Angeles. I didn't like the toadying media culture, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be an assistant director anymore, and I wasn't sure what Los Angeles held for me once I graduated. I also found myself struggling with finding any church I wanted to be a part of, or Christian cause I wanted to support.
In fact, one of the only church-related things I remember caring about was about a speech made by a speaker from the 2015(?) Missions Conference. The man spoke to an audience of perhaps 60 people, but I think he should've given the keynote address. His speech was one of only two speeches I remember from Missions Conference in four years. He spoke about his ministry in New York, and how we focus too much on overseas missionary work. He pointed out that we have people in our own backyard that need to hear about Christ. He spoke about his own struggle to even embrace his ministry when all he wanted (and tried to do multiple times over many years) was minister in Africa. I remember wondering what such a ministry would look like, and how important his message was to combat the idyllic "correct" image of serving on short-term mission trips abroad which seems to plague White American Christian culture.
I also remember meeting with a co-worker of mine to discuss what a career after college could look like. Being almost ten years older than me, and a producer on a set I worked on, I figured he would be able to give some good advice. I told him that I was thinking about moving away from Los Angeles, and he immediately jumped on it. He told me about how he went to school at Columbia, and wished he had stayed in New York instead of moving back home to Los Angeles. He reminisced on the people and the culture in the Big Apple, and was supportive of my decision to move. I remember that he told me not to bother laying down roots in Los Angeles if I wanted to go. His professional belief in my skill as a filmmaker, and his advice to just Do It and Go, has been something which I am grateful for to this day.
All of these seeds of discontentment were planted in 2015, but 2016 saw them bear their angsty fruit.
Meanwhile, I started to understand more about myself and my art through Bowie. Having an obsession that is so well-read, versatile (and diverse), and an influential ground-breaker in pretty much any art form is pretty convenient. Through him, I began to embrace a new identity where I could an Artist (with a capital A) who cared about the work she made in an entirely new way. I began to appreciate more types of art in different ways. I gained a respect for contemporary art, I learned all about the history of rock and roll, and I began writing again.
I also looked to Bowie for philosophy about how to BE an Artist - not just for the lofty sensibilities, but also for the reality about how to practically be one. He once joked about how he told everyone he was a businessman, although he was really an artist who pretended to be one; that couldn't be farther from the truth. He supported up and coming artists, and understood how to have longevity in a career. He also recognised that artistic integrity and commercial success were unrelated to each other. In one of my all time favourite quotes, he stated, "I don't begrudge any artist for getting an audience. I never found that poverty meant purity."
And all of what I've just mentioned is merely the tip of the iceberg for how much Bowie came to mean to me. All of this intense, intimate research ultimately made me I feel like David Robert Jones was both my mentor and companion. Through my stress about school, anxiety over changing relationships, and periodic depression he remained one of two constants in my life. And the one constant in which I felt I could access the other. The other, of course, being God.
And as I began to use Bowie to discuss everything and anything related to religion, art, society, culture, and philosophy, so too I began to foster a desire within me to imitate all the (good parts of) his life. And that meant abandoning LA for NYC. I wanted to see what Bowie saw in the city. Why did he, a world traveller who never seemed to be still for a moment, finally decided to settle down in New York City for the past twenty years? Why is it that so many artists like himself romanticise(d) the city? I had to know.
Although there were other factors considered as well.
On a practical level, I knew I wasn't ready to move to England just yet. After graduating college, I predicted I would have enough on my plate without adding a new culture, new laws, and a homesickness that couldn't be cured halfway across the world. (I was right. I'm pretty overwhelmed). It would also be easier and less expensive for me to move to New York. One plane ticket to London could be a month's worth of rent in New York, and I wouldn't have to deal with those pesky work visas.
On a personal level the move also began to make sense. I'm still not sure if I want to work in film, and New York has many opportunities for artists from all disciplines. I also felt the desire to force myself out of my comfort zone and make new friends. In California, I'm pretty set in my ways. I rarely go out, and when I do, I don't bother to meet new people since I already have a strong support system of friends and family. Whereas in New York, I know no one and consequently I will have to branch out and meet people (which I know is objectively good for you to do).
And finally, on a spiritual level, the rest of 2016 and all of 2017 aligned for me to move. I soon realised moving was part of my quest to face my fear of failure, to learn about God's grace, and to strengthen my (somewhat failing) relationship with Him through a renewal of faith via a cross-country move on my own with nothing but Him to rely on. At least, that's the plan when I'm not extremely anxious, stressed, and terrified about my loss of control and the practicalities of moving across the country.
And that's why I'm calling this blog Finding God and David Bowie. Because to me, my move is really about seeking those two things out. I want to "find" Bowie through my move. I want to live in the city that inspired him and see what he loved about it. I want to experience first hand the place that greatly influenced some of my favourite art which in turn has inspired me to be even more committed to my dream of being an Artist (with a capital A). I also hope to reconcile my dream of being an Artist with my passion and talent for being a Teacher (with a capital T). I think living in New York will help me do just that.
And even more so, I want to "find" God. I hope to do so through committing myself to being a part of a healthy church body, a renewal of my faith in a different city, and to discover and know Him in a completely new environment. Additionally, a quest to "find", or know, Christ will also lead to me finding and knowing myself (cue: Bowie's song "I Can't Help Thinking About Me"). In short, I hope to "find" God in an entirely new way that deepens my relationship with Him and helps me live the Good life, fight the Good fight, and love Him better than ever before.
So welcome to my blog: Finding God and David Bowie.
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