Current Contemplations: Dear My Fellow Artist

Dear My Fellow Artist,

Whether you are a film-maker, musician, writer, painter, sculptor, actor, poet, photographer, or any other label, if you identify as an Artist, this open letter is for you. For you, my fellow creator, who may also be feeling lost about what "Masterpiece" to make next, insecure about your talent/work, and anxious about even identifying as an Artist.

At the end of 2017 I did some introspection regarding how I view myself.  I wrote down a list of adjectives that I would say "described me".  Then I wrote down a list of adjectives that other people (friends, family, mentors, coworkers, etc) recently "described me" as (by looking through old messages, cards, remembering conversations, etc).  To my surprise, although a few words aligned, a majority of them didn't.  I would have never picked some of the words that were used to describe me in a million years.  Yet here they were.

While I was doing this project, I had recently finished Dan Fox's excellent book Pretentiousness: Why It Matters.  In the postscript, Fox ruminates on how his upbringing and artistic inspirations influenced his decision to go into the arts - specifically as a writer and an art critic (and why he believed pretentiousness matters).  It was fascinating to see his narrative woven together to make up a cohesive whole that explained his worldview and why he thought Art Mattered.

So I decided that I wanted to write out my own childhood too.  Every memory I ever had about why I liked "art" in general and why I could consider myself an Artist.  I wanted to see if I could find new "labels" or if my current ones were as outdated as my adjectives about myself.  And by doing so, I was surprised at what I found.

I started at the typical response I gave people asked me why I chose to major in film.  I believe we all have one in some variation or another.  Mine usually went something like:

"I chose film because I've always loved story-telling.  I read a lot as a kid, but in today's world, people prefer to consume stories through film/television/the Internet rather than books.  My favourite works that inspired me to go into film-making were the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the BBC's Sherlock.  Both of these pieces got me through some tough times, and I want to help other people by creating a show to escape into when reality is difficult to handle."

If they asked what part of film-making I was interested in, I would typically say:

"I'm most interested in the logistical/business side of film-making.  I wanted to be a first assistant director, and now a producer.  I enjoy scheduling, organizing, and coordinating, and I know I'm good at it.  I was the yearbook editor-in-chief at my high school and I've planned international trips before, so a lot of those skills transferred over.  I really enjoy building the best teams for the job, and I like cultivating cooperation and cohesion between people.  I also prefer to support the vision of others with my own contributions rather than do a solo project.  There's something extremely exciting about helping someone else's dreams become reality.  I appreciate traditional creativity, but I'm more concerned with the question of HOW."

Now all of these things are still (relatively) true of me.  The only things that have really changed are that I'm more open about my job title/where I work and which part of the entertainment industry I go into (I'm now looking at film and music).  However, I realised that these narratives put labels on me and how I viewed myself as an artist.  I could never "create" in the traditional sense, I could only be influenced by the works I referenced, I could schedule well but never compose a dcent frame, etc. etc.  The list goes on and on regarding how I thought of myself and, most revealingly, what I thought my own limitations were as an artist, when I told these stories again and again.

So now, I want to start over by going back.  Here is my simultaneously newer, older, and longer story of why I believe myself to be an artist, and how I got into The Arts:

I remember that growing up as an only child meant I had to entertain myself.  Games of make-believe were often employed, and I usually liked to think of myself as an "arts and crafts" kid.  I learned origami, painted with my grandmother, enjoyed acting out dance "recitals" in front of my parents, and loved just about any Klutz-type book I could get my hands on.  I remember creating a car out of a cardboard box (complete with a windshield made out of saran wrap) and pretending to be a teacher to a class filled with all my friends (complete with seating charts and fake assignments).  I remember creating my own paper dolls (complete with a huge wardrobe of outfits) and playing Harry Potter with my cousins (complete with wands and capes).  In short, I had a blessed childhood.  I grew up in a loving home that encouraged imagination and a pursuit of whatever I was interested in (at the time).

In first grade we had "Free Art" Fridays, in which my teacher would let us do arts and crafts with the spare art supplies (cardboard tubes, pipe cleaners, crayons, the whole nine yards) for the last hour of the school day.  It was by far one of the most cherished and lasting memories I have of grade school.  I even remember the first reason I wanted to be a teacher was because of this and how I wanted the office supplies like an overhead projector and Expo markers.  This epitomized my childhood filled with endless amounts of construction paper and scissors and scotch tape.  I still remember saving every scrap of paper just in case I wanted to use it later (perhaps something I picked up from my mother with her love of scrapbooking).  And to an extent, this is still true, as I still save and collect an obscene amount of office supplies and arts and crafts material.

This love naturally found its way into painting, as I remember going to Paint Your Own Pottery many many times with my friends and parents.  I also remember going to a clay-sculpting class as a child where I made my father a dragon statue for his collection.  And my grandmother had a wonderful art studio in her house where she taught me painting lessons and even let me use her own art supplies.  In high school, this would later be a source of a small modelling stint, as my grandmother's friends wanted a subject to paint at the local art studio.

Meanwhile, my parents always made sure my games of make-believe were always fueled with the best material.  I was an extremely well-travelled child.  By the time I was ten I had already visited not just multiple states, but multiple countries.  And every time and every where we went, my parents made sure that we would go to plenty of amazing museums and important historical/cultural sites.  I remember going on guided tours and getting children's guidebooks to fill out and help "plan" our trips.  Not to mention that they also made sure there were plenty of arts and crafts supplies to entertain me if I was ever bored on an aeroplane or a car ride.  I still remember the Abraham Lincoln colouring books I got at the Lincoln Memorial, and I still have the DK books from when I went to London.  I also remember wanting to be a tour guide, which I later fulfilled in a limited capacity when I took Todd on a self-guided tour of London.  In short, there was no question where my early love for history, travel, and different cultures came from.  Although this isn't to say all I did was explore outside my hometown.  My favourite museum to this day is still my hometown's humble Siuslaw Pioneer Museum in Old Town, and I can tell you too many facts about the history of Oregon.  I grew up surrounded by mountains and rivers - a perfect setting for my fantasy plays, pretending to be a heroine on a noble quest.

On top of all this, my parents also encouraged my love of theatre, particularly my mother.  I remember going to London and how magical it was seeing The Lion King and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on the West End when I was seven years old.  Not to mention the other plays I've seen on the West End (Lord of the Rings, Wicked, The Tempest, The Cripple of Inishmaan, and As You Like It) and Broadway (Mamma Mia, The Phantom of the Opera, and Miss Saigon).  However, my most lasting theatre experience will always be the years my mother had season tickets for the off-broadway productions at the Hult Center in Eugene, Oregon.  It may not have been Broadway or the West End, but I have a lot of great memories of going there year after year with my mom.  I remember how excited I was to go to the theatre, the promise of dressing up, getting a new soundtrack or programme, and the spellbinding magic of whatever musical/play/ballet we were seeing that night.  I rarely knew what the play was about ahead of time, and that made the whole thing all the more magical.  A night out to Eugene's humble Hult Center was just as impressive to ten-year-old Jade as going to Broadway's Majestic Theatre.  And to this day it's still my favourite theatre.  These experiences cultivated within me a love for theatre from the high school play to the West End.  And my love for the stage only flourished when I participated in my town's annual gymnastics recitals, took tap and jazz lessons for a few years, starred in my church's children's choir, and was a part of my middle school's drama club.

All of this, however, paled to my first love - books.  My parents were more likely to ban me from reading books than watching the television if I misbehaved.  They both encouraged my love of reading and helped me cultivate an impressive library over the years.  I can't remember a day where I didn't read something.  From audio books which lulled me to sleep every night and kept us company on road trips (Jim Dale's voice is iconic) to books my mom and I read together to books I simply consumed myself.  Here, my first love will always remain, as this was the first art that I knew of that could transport me from my bedroom into any where and any when I could imagine.  I could learn from them, explore in them, and escape with them which, for an only child, was the best constant companion I could have asked for.  Of course, as a part of the Harry Potter generation, the Harry Potter series will always remain my favourite, as I literally grew up with the work.  It was my very first obsession (my own copies are lovingly dog-eared and bookmarked with colour-coded tabs like a good Christian would do with their Bible), and my very first love.

This love of reading naturally engendered my spirited foray into writing.  I tried my hand at making my own newspaper when I was in grade school that I gave to my friends, poetry about my crush of the year when I was in junior high school, and fanfiction about my latest fandom when I was in high school.  Although the first stories I remember writing were a sort of "knock-off" version of Harry Potter.  Of course, nowadays, I usually write a blog post or article, but one day perhaps I will go back to more traditional creative writing.

All of this isn't to say that my arts education was restricted to traditional forms.  I have great memories playing computer games with my father (or, more accurately, watching him play as I was too scared to play by myself).  And my mother always made sure I had the latest games and consoles.  I remember having a portable PlayStation 1 and a PSP.  I also remember playing many puzzle/learning games like Nancy Drew, Detective Barbie, Zoombinis, and Cluefinders.  Although a personal favourite has always been Age of Mythology.

I also didn't grow up sheltered from television and movies like some kids I knew.  I have many fond memories of going to the cinemas with my friends (I still collect stubs to this day) and watching television with my family (Friends, Survivor, Cops, Star Trek: The Next Generation, America's Funniest Home Videos, and Law and Order were the programs of choice for my parents, while I enjoyed the Noggin, Disney, Nickelodeon, and USA channels).  In fact, my family liked to eat dinner around the television screen rather than the dinner table when we were together.  However, my love for the visual art of storytelling didn't emerge until I was more properly into junior high and high school.  Like my shorter narrative suggests, Lord of the Rings was the film that inspired me to go into filmmaking.  I watched endless hours of behind the scenes, commentary, and the extended editions themselves as a coping mechanism after my father passed away.  Meanwhile, my passion for helping audiences came from my participation in the Sherlock fandom as I had a bout of mild depression in high school.  I always associated film and television with being a means of escapism and spending time with people I loved.

It's also worth noting here, how all of these interests grew and expanded as I got older under the excellent tutelage I received.  Mr. Johnson (English and Yearbook) and Mr. O'Mara (psychology, government, and US history) were two of my most influential high school teachers, cultivating a love for all the social sciences within my soul.  Also, the high school janitor Mr. Bosket taught me film photography and shared with me stories of being an army photographer in the Vietnam War.  Then later Dr. Wright and the Torrey Honours Institute at university, expanded and evolved my artistic sensibilities to include a deep love of philosophy and theology.  Not to mention the friends I made at university helped me appreciate art in a way I had never encountered before.  Ian taught me how to appreciate a film with no dialogue and my good friend Alex taught me to not just appreciate, but love, contemporary art.

Finally, of course, I "completed" my tour of the arts with my current appreciation for music as cultivated through my passion for David Bowie.  A little-known fact is that the groundwork for my love of Bowie had been laid when I was fifteen through my then-obsession with The Beatles.  An objectively easier band to access for the "beginner", I had originally started listening to them when I wanted to introduce foreign exchange students to western music (despite never listening to them myself).  My love for Bowie, and the growth of said love, is another tale for another time, but suffice it to say, he is my "touchstone" and my "home base" for finding new music.  Fortunately, Bowie was enough of a Renaissance man himself to mean that if I only want to listen to things that inspired him, I have no shortage of options.  I've been introduced to practically every genre from every decade from his excellent recommendations. And of course from the help of friends like Shane and Sarabeth.  One of my favourite memories is going to a Danny Elfman concert with Shane and learning all about an orchestra - my first ever proper concert. It has been through these lovely resources that I have learned what music can do to elevate the soul.

At this point, one could say that I am simply cherry-picking events from my life.  Perhaps I'm only choosing to specifically remember the parts of my life that fit my current identity as an artist.  I have all too "conveniently" chosen to forget my dream for many years of becoming a math teacher, my childhood collecting and studying rocks, and being continuously fascinated by astronomy.

My response would simply be that the mentality of the Artist dictates that nothing learned/enjoyed is "meaningless" or "useless" under Art.  An interest in math and science (what we currently deem to be the opposition to the humanities and arts) is yet another way to be curious about the world, and they can not only harmoniously coexist, but flourish together.  There would never be a production designer that only liked interior decorating without carpentry and researching.  There would never be a writer that only like reading novels without also exploring all that life has to offer.  And so on.  However, I thought it more prudent to focus on the more straight-forward artforms I have enjoyed over the years in order to keep my introspection within a set of boundaries more directly related with art.

Moreover, I think a more accurate depiction of my reminiscings would not be that I was "fated" to become an artist or some such notion.  Rather, that in my choice to be an artist, I have a wealth of memories, experiences, and practical knowledge to draw on that extends beyond my shorter narrative I usually tell others.  And it is here that the revelation about the nature of myself as an Artist was discovered.

I have worn the label of performer, dancer, painter, sculptor, singer, writer, reader, gamer, director, cinematographer, editor, producer, and many many more.  Perhaps not every label was worn as a "professional" (or loved to the extent that I wanted to make a career in the specific discipline), but to quote Fox, "Circle back, for a moment, to the figures of the amateur and the professional.  All but the most cynical artists are amateurs - amateurs in the original French sense of the word, a 'lover of' what they do."  And with this mentality in mind, I certainly am an amateur.  Perhaps this is the best label I can give myself as an artist.

And it is at this point, my friend, that I ask you to reflect on your own journey in The Arts.  Don't just repeat the story you tell everyone else.  Dig deep and think about your upbringing, your experiences, your choices that have lead you to choose to identify as an Artist.

I encourage you to tear down your assumptions about the type of work you create.  I think too often we find ourselves labelled (whether by ourselves or others) to be a "one-trick" creator.  We think of ourselves as only capable of doing one type of art form or one genre.  Perhaps you may think that you can only do one type of filmmaking, or you think your only interest is in songwriting.  That isn't to say these identifiers are false insofar as where your predominate talents and interests lie.  Rather, I want to emphasize that they are not the only place where your talents and interests could be located.  Although your professional craft may be painting, you could still enjoy performing in local theatre productions.  Or perhaps you could dabble in photography while writing your epic novel.  Bowie himself often used painting as a means to work out problems he encountered when working on his music, and he claimed to write something at least once a day and to read several books a week.

In looking at your past, your future can look brighter.  By remembering all the things that have influenced your perspective on the world, what inspired you to go into the arts, you can gain direction for what to make next, feel confident in your abilities, and not worry about your "qualifications" for identifying as an Artist.  In short, by discarding old "labels" and boundaries you put on your own abilities, you get a fuller, more complex picture of yourself, the Amateur Artist.