Creative Writing: Ford Pines Headcanons

Just something fun and light-hearted today.  Here's a list of some of my headcanons I have about Ford Pines (obviously, not spoiler-free), all taken from actual episodes, Journal 3, the fandom, Alex Hirsch, and the Internet in general:

• Born in 1947 (the same year as Bowie)
• Making the first flashback of "1960-something" assumed to be 1960 (if they're around 13 years old like Dipper and Mabel) ("Tale of Two Stans")
• The science fair occurring during 1965 (assuming they're 18 in their senior year) ("Tale of Two Stans")
• Ford's arrival in Gravity Falls is in 1975 (this would match Ford's undergrad-phd track "three years ahead of schedule" like he mentions, assuming 28 years old) (Journal 3)
• Ford contacts Bill in 1981 (this matches the "six years" he spent researching in Gravity Falls, makes Ford 34) (Journal 3)
• Ford falls into the portal in 1982 (assuming 35 years old, matches Stan's remark that he "hasn't seen his brother in over ten years") ((Journal 3, "Carpet Diem", "Tale of Two Stans")
• Stan has been working on the portal for "30 years" and is "pushing 70" in 2012 (matches timeline to assume he's 65, also the premiere year of the show) ("Not What He Seems")
• Ford has blue eyes ("The Last Mabelcorn")
• Ford stands with his hands behind his back all the time.  He says it's because it looks heroic. but it's actually a habit from being teased his entire life for his six fingers ("Tale of Two Stans")
• Even though Dipper and Stan would be the obvious candidates for being overprotective of Mabel, throughout the show they trust her to take care of herself when the chips are down.  Ford would be the one to be surprisingly overprotective and scare off all her dates with his "space outlaw" act and/or bad grunkle jokes
• His body is covered in tattoos, most of them embarrassing (canon from Journal 3 when he talks about getting a cartoon star with arms tattoo that says "Hey Now I'm An All Star!" while travelling across dimensions with a tribe of octopus-armed warrior piglets - "Let's just say I wear this turtleneck for a reason")
• He's also in excellent physical shape ("I've spent the last 30 years keeping up an extensive exercise and diet regimen", Journal 3)
• Because he's been an outlaw for 30 years, Ford also has lots of scars and burns, the most recent being from when Bill tortured him with shackles around his neck, which may also result in his problems with seizures in old age ("Weirdmageddon Part 3")
• In possession of many MANY trust issues.  He's crazy paranoid and psychologically damaged due to Stan's and Bill's betrayals, dimension hopping, lack of social skills, and enforced isolation for decades, but that Stan, Dipper, and Mabel eventually help him heal ("The Last Mabelcorn", "Weirdmageddon Part 3", Journal 3)
• Giant nerd, super into sci-fi, crazy smart in possession of 12 phds, loves Tesla and Carl Sagan ("Tale of Two Stans", "Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons", "Dipper and Mabel vs the Future", Journal 3)
• Loves jelly beans and has a sweet tooth (Journal 3)
• As a super dorky "dad" sense of humour, in possession of zero common sense, socializing skills, or understanding how current technology works (Journal 3)
• Learns to love Waddles for the sake of Mabel and for his help in regaining Stan's memories ("Weirdmageddon Part 3", Journal 3)
• Mabel and Ford bond over their love of sweaters.  She knits him a new one every month and sends them to him on the Stan O War II.  They both use "sweater town" as a coping mechanism during hard times ("Dipper and Mabel vs the Future")
• Dipper sends his journal entries to Ford to review and edit (Journal 3)
• Amazing actor, enjoys pretending to be a cool sci-fi space adventurer, but definitely tripped over his own long coat at least once while doing a spinny-backflip-move ("Tale of Two Stans", "Dipper and Mabel vs the Future") 
• Stan convinces Ford to help him con the people they meet sailing around the world ("Weirdmageddon Part 3", Journal 3)
• Ford loves to equally ruin Stan's punchlines and pickup lines wherever they sail
• Stan tries to "help" Ford with picking up the ladies because he knows Ford always messes up the line.  But he still cheers him up afterwards ("Tale of Two Stans")
• Ford has remarkable dexterity thanks to his extra fingers, and is great at tickling and playing piano (Twitter)
• His coat possesses space-altering qualities capable of storing anything of any size or shape (Tumblr)
• Ford learns about the "Stan is Wrong" song and sets it as his ringtone ("Boss Mabel", Tumblr)
• Ford likes to pretend to be serious and mysterious to cover-up the fact that he's a massive dork and easily embarrassed (Twitter)
• He's actually blind without his glasses - especially in his right eye.  He and Stan share the same prescription ("Weirdmageddon Part 3", Journal 3)
• Ford refuses to replace his glasses, despite Stan mocking him for keeping the same style for over thirty years (the same with his stubborn determination to keep his sideburns)
• Still enjoys poking/prodding at any strange anomaly he can find.  If he gets into trouble, Stan just laughs at him
• Still has a crazy rivalry with Stan, but now it's limited to dumb competitions like who's better at "old man things" and picking up the ladies
• Fiercely determined, a quick study, and in possession of laser focus - originally this was devoted to his studies, but after Weirdmageddon it's transferred entirely to his family and helping Stan regain his memories ("Tale of Two Stans", Journal 3)
• Huge fan of Talking Heads and pop culture in general ("The Stanchurian Candidate", Journal 3)
• Doesn't enjoy 'Ducktective' or any "kids shows", but is obsessed with Harry Potter ("The Last Mabelcorn")
• Ford brings up that he's the older twin all the time, much to Stanley's chagrin (Twitter)
• Stan is unsure what his role is in the "dynamic duo" now that he has a brother who can physically defend himself, but Ford does his best to comfort Stan and tell him that he's needed and the True Hero
• Enjoys the finger puppets Mabel makes him, even though he pretends not to, and participates in all of her plays (Journal 3, "Sock Opera")
• Is secretly sentimental, although he pretends to live a minimalist lifestyle due to his years of dimension-hopping
• The only time Ford's ever cried is the first time he lost Stan at eighteen and the second time he lost Stan at sixty-five ("Weirdmageddon Part 3", Journal 3)
• Despite Ford's bluster and preoccupation with the ladies as a young man, after one too many rejections and inability to socialise easily, he gives up on the quest and turns his mind to pursuing science.  Although he still considers his failures embarrassing, he's truly content with being a brother and grunkle.
• Even though Ford is a "Hero's Brother", his own redemption is heroic in and of itself - he still tried to atone for his mistakes for thirty years, he still made the choice to pull the trigger and complete the sacrifice that he and Stan had agreed on, he still decided to be there for his family to help them heal ("Weirdmageddon Part 3", Journal 3)