Life Highlights: Last Night in the First Apartment

Side benefit of staying indoors all day? Beating the almost 100°F heat. Ugh.

First day of being unemployed in two years. Didn't really leave the flat, but major accomplishments achieved on the moving front. Both beds were moved out today (after much stress on both Manar and my part), so we have officially gotten rid of all our furniture! We also cleaned out every single drawer and cupboard space so now anything that's left is out in the open to examine.

We have a TON of stuff we're donating (Manar doesn't want it and I can't take it) so our lives really have become pretty minimalist (minus all the nonsense left in Oregon). She took three small car loads plus one truck (full of larger furniture pieces) over to her new digs in LA. I will be taking four large checked bags, two carry ons, and one and a half personal items to NYC.

Moving everything has definitely made this whole "move" thing even more...real. With no work or other business to keep me distracted, everything is finally hitting home that I. Am. Actually. Doing. This.

In a lot of ways this move has been a long, drawn out process. Just as tiring as applying to colleges in high school (if not more so). It's been thought of and saved for over the course of two years. And my goodbyes to everyone both at work and school have been long, drawn out processes for the past few months. So although I'm definitely not ready to leave everyone, I also feel like I've said my goodbyes and it's time to go. As my friend Alex put it, you can still grieve for loss without losing anything. And although I'm sad to leave, I also know I haven't lost anything. If anything this move has taught me how loved I am by God, my family, and my friends.

Over the past five years I've wrestled with acute feelings of loneliness and mild depression. Oftentimes I feel like I can't relate to another person, or get lost inside my own spiralling thoughts. And during these times of immense pressure and melancholy it's hard for me to remember and feel loved. So this move, although it's been extremely stressful and taxing in so many ways, is simultaneously a blessing for helping me finally understand that I am not alone and that I am loved.

It's strange to think that this is the last night I will spend in my very first apartment. I'm sad to see it go (Uptown Whittier is a great place and this was the best first apartment ever), but I'm still more excited to see what's ahead.