Creative Writing: Ready Player One Review

Just watched Spielberg's Ready Player One! After anticipating it for a few years now, I was excited to finally get to see it! Although I didn't get a chance to read the book before it premiered, much to my dismay.  So this will be just the film review.  Also, to talk in-depth about it, BE WARNED! THERE BE SPOILERS AHEAD!

Note: The review assumes you've seen the film, as I hope you go watch it first! Therefore, there won't really be a lot of film synopsis of explanations/context of characters/scene/etc referred to in my response.


Perhaps the main reason I docked the film from an A to a B score, the main problem I had with the film was trying to figure out if the story actually had consequences attached to it.  By this, I am referring to the trend in films these days where the actions of characters don't have long-lasting consequences and thus invalidates the weight of the action/sacrifices made.  For instance, in Doctor Who the 50th-anniversary episode was extremely controversial because it was revealed that the Doctor was not the last of his Time Lord race.  This, according to the fans, invalidated all of the character development and actions the three Doctors undertook for the entirety of the "New Who" from 2005 until the episode, which aired in 2013.  Similarly, a lot of other stories these days seem to use time travel, convenient loopholes, and so on and so forth in their stories to allow the characters a "happy ending".  But this does cause serious ramifications in terms of feeling the weight of the decisions made and costs paid.  Is it really a sacrifice if there is no actual loss?

This, fundamentally, was my biggest question and problem with the film.  The main plot of the film is fundamentally that if you win the Easter Egg in the game, your real life will be significantly changed as your material wealth will be increased and your power over the most influential media in the world will be absolute.  So all over the world individual players are seeking for the Egg side by side with corporations like IOI who want control of the game to increase their advertisement revenue.  Therefore, the parallel narratives of the film take place in the virtual world of Oasis and the real world of Columbus, Ohio where all of the main characters live and IOI headquarters are conveniently located.

But there's only so much weight to the stakes raised in sacrificing your avatar to the greater cause of battling the evil corporation of IOI, when you realise that dying in the game doesn't mean dying in real life.  Spielberg tries to solve this by emphasizing the economic ramifications of the sacrifice.  When your avatar dies, you loose everything your character has collected (as one of the baddies notes, dying means loosing ten years worth of stuff).

This sort of makes sense, as the game is where everyone lives their life outside of, essentially, eating and sleeping.  And there is an economic system of buying and selling in the game that is somehow tied to real world "credits"/currency (like a weird hybrid of bitcoin and World of Warcraft money) - this is represented by Wade's aunt's loser boyfriend loosing all of her savings for a house when his character died in the game.  But still, to me the loss being material (whether in the game or real world) seems superficial, and not as much of a sacrifice as the traditional trope of a physical sacrifice (ie dying).

I think the main intrigue came into play when the consequences of the in-game play started to leak over into the real world.  I think Spielberg tries to raise them by cleverly introducing the fact that IOI's CEO Nolan (the main baddie) finds out Wade's real world identity and as a result tries to kill him in the real world so that he doesn't win control over Oasis.  And in the cross-fire, Samantha (Wade's love interest) is also captured by IOI and put into a labour union nightmare of inhumane debtor podes, where it is also revealed that she lost her father to IOI's horrible working pods that debtors are sequestered in.  It is only when there is the threat of actual death in the real world that I personally began to feel that the stakes were properly being raised.

The editing probably didn't help with this theme, as the pacing was only so-so.  Probably 60% of the film was devoted to the virtual world, while the other 40% is dedicated to real-world action.  I thought the interwoven storylines were an interesting and great idea, but the manifestation felt a bit disjointed and awkwardly fast/slow in certain parts of the film. 

Either way, though, I did love the big question of how to deal with consequences, and the two answers to the question with the classic dichotomy of "fantasy" versus "reality".  The initial concept of the dystopia already tells the audience that the world had collectively agreed not to solve the world's problems anymore, and to just escape into a virtual reality.  So on some level, the basis of the plot already accepts that fantasy is "better".  But I like that by the end of the film the story tried to be nuanced and show the interweaving components of fantasy and reality, and that both are needed in order to grow as a person/better the world.  So even if it wasn't perfectly done/conveyed, I still maintain that the grey areas in the thematic examination were the most compelling parts of the narrative by far.

Other compelling elements of the themework I thought were present in the film included questions related to creator/creation relationship and lost dreams/hopes.  I think that perhaps intriguingly for a film that was a huge love letter to the 80s, there was a distinct lack of Spielberg himself.  This was apparently consciously done, but it still felt weird to have commentary about content creators, their relationship to their creation(s), and if they have any responsibility of how the project grows and the audience's reception of it, without seeing any major homages to the giant of pop culture himself that created the film.

However, I also loved the idea that the game itself was an inside look into  Halliday's mind.  I think that the idea of the Easter egg hunt was also a way of trying to atone and fix his past mistakes was awesome (and very apropos to the fact that Easter is tomorrow).  Although, it did have some flaws, which leads me nicely into my next discussion about characters.

Character wise, the biggest disappointment to me was not seeing more of Morrow, Halliday's business partner.  It's revealed that Halliday had a falling out with his business partner Morrow, and by the end of the film it's proclaimed that it was Morrow who was the "Rosebud" to the entire hunt, instead of Kiera like Wade thought, Halliday's lost love who eventually became Morrow's wife.  This broken relationship and betrayal just seemed absolutely essential to so much of Halliday's character and the narrative of the hunt, but it was glossed over in favour of referencing a lot of 1970s/80s pop culture that Halliday enjoyed and lost love interests.  Perhaps I'm just a sucker for angsty broken platonic relationships filled with betrayal and regret and atonement (looking at you, Stan Bros from Gravity Falls), but I would've loved to see more about this.  And I think one way it could've been done was by revealing more about Morrow.  Although, that's not to say the film says nothing.  Morrow's repeated attempts to get Halliday to own up to his responsibility as a creator of Oasis and incorporate more rules into the game is fascinating, and the ultimate (presumed) cause of their split in which Halliday took over sole control of the company.

Otherwise, I think I had the fairly standard character development complaints that come with having an ensemble cast with a main protagonist.  The rest of the "High Five" gang seem to be sidelined (particularly the two Asian friends with the main three of Wade, Samantha, and Helen) in favour for trying to develop other more prominent roles.  As a result, everyone felt slightly under-developed all around rather than having at least one or two solidly built characters.  However, I think this was made up for in the dizzyingly intricate plot lines that were in and of themselves fairly compelling.

And another minor critique here also includes the film's so-so dialogue (particularly the ending lines of the film, which re-hash the socially inept Halliday's attempt at conveying the theme of reality being important almost awkward word for word).  Along with a fairly two-dimensional baddie for the gang to fight, as IOI's generic "big business; greedy businessmen" trope is certainly adhered to fairly strictly.  Although, unrelated, the decision to cast Win Morisaki, a huge J-Popstar, was absolutely great (mainly for the diversity and eye candy he brought to the table).

While Plot wise, I was hooked within a few minutes of the film.  The voice over was a great unifying element in the narrative, and there were a few solid revelations that I particularly enjoyed (like the reveal of who the Curator was at the end of the film - a role I was suspicious of for a while).  However, the film tried to balance three major plot lines which felt difficult every now and then with the sheer scope it demaned.  One being the main plot of Wade and his friends finding the Easter egg, one being IOI's quest to find the egg and stop Wade, and the final one being Halliway and his life story which fueled the egg hunt in the first place.

And finally, the technical craft of the film was extremely well done, which is to be expected from a genius like Spielberg.  With the exception of some editing choices (as previously discussed) and one of two weird musical moments (in which the sound swelled during moments I thought it didn't need to be), everything else was excellent (like the cinematography and effect work).  I particularly loved the visual effects of the film - it totally used the "it doesn't look real" complaints of moviegoers in response to any large effects scene and turned it on it's head.  Since it was supposed to be a video game, the textures and development of the virtual world had amazing graphics and impossible action sequences that emphasized the fantastical element of Oasis as exactly that.  I thought this was used to advance the story particularly well.

In essence, I think Ready Player One is a classic case of Spielberg doing the best he can (which is pretty damn good) with slightly-above-average material.  And for all the major flaws it could have had under the direction of "Not-A-Spielberg", I think he does a really solid job of at least minimizing the effects to make the film into an enjoyable ride that does make you feel some things with some great 80s nostalgia along for the ride.

Rating: B

Creative Writing: Haiku 34

Exhausted from work
New opportunities and
Great new city views

Current Contemplations: Biola as the Institution

Today I wanted share on the blog a tough post about the recent events that occurred at my alma mater: Biola University.  Almost a week ago, a student was arrested on the charges of possessing unregistered firearms (including an assault rifle), and yesterday my friend Garrett posted this status on Facebook:

"If Jason [the student in question who was arrested] were black or Latino, Biola's response would be 100% different."

There were many comments in response to this (rather controversial) status, but I wanted to post mine here for posterity:

To add to Garrett's point, "If only evangelicals could think of anything other than abortion and religious liberty", I am concerned about Biola’s lack to response to this incident in light of the current socio-political climate regarding school shootings/gun control in comparison to their response two years ago to the then-most pressing social movement/reform of “Gay Rights”.

To be clear, I am not trying to start a debate on gay rights with this comment.  I am not equating the debate on gun control with the debate on gay rights in terms of the issues addressed, individuals impacted, the history of both (cultural, religious, socio-economical, etc.), the opposing parties, or anything other than simply wanting to contrast side-by-side Biola’s response to two major social-political movements that have occurred within the past five years that white American Evangelical Christian culture has specifically taken up as their “crusade” causes.

Also, I want to specifically define my references to Biola not as the student body, individual professors, etc. that make-up the university.  I want to be clear that when I say “Biola” I am referring to official emails and press releases Biola as an administrative entity has released on behalf of the formal learning institution to the general public and student body.

Let me first present the emails and press releases regarding the gay rights movement:

An email was sent out two years ago in regards to a Californian senate bill “SB 1146”.  I am not here to debate whether or not the legislation was successful or make any other statements regarding the specifics of the bill other than to note that the intent behind the bill was to attempt to protect marginalized students (specifically LGBTQ students) from discrimination in higher learning institutions.  (And I do want to note here that I think we can all agree it is important to protect the rights of all people wishing to pursue higher education - it’s what those rights are and the actions we take that is where the debate resides).

This is the header of the email Biola sent out in response to this bill: “Proposed Legislation Jeopardizes Religious Freedom of California Christian Higher Education”.

Here, I do want to note that to Evangelical Christian Americans like those that attend Biola, using words like “Jeopardizes” and “Freedom” is, quite simply, “not nothing”.  These words are specifically meant to invoke emotional, impassioned responses within a person by tying together two-fold a mythical Christian American past and the struggles of God’s people in foreign lands (ie Egypt and slavery).

Some choice quotes from the email about this legislation includes the opening sentence:

“It is unprecedented for Biola University to reach out to our community regarding legislative issues, but California Senate Bill 1146 could significantly challenge Biola University’s ability to continue in the mission that has guided us for 108 years.”

And the following statements:

“SB 1146, if passed, would substantially interfere with the ability of California’s faith-based colleges and universities to conduct themselves in a manner consistent with their beliefs.” (note: this sentence was bolded in the email)

“This bill, if it became law, would diminish religious liberty in California higher education. It would unfairly harm faith-based institutions and it would weaken the rich educational diversity of our state.”

“Faith-based institutions of higher education are making profound contributions to the intellectual and common good of society, contributions not in spite of but because of our deeply held faith convictions. Our presence in society enriches it rather than diminishes it. We provide economic vitality to our communities. Our graduates leave with servant-leader hearts. Our focus on ethics and integrity is inherent to all our programs. A disproportionate number of our graduates seek careers in public service or non-profit organizations. Why would California want to harm institutions like this?”

“STOPPING SB 1146 REQUIRES IMMEDIATE ACTION” (note: this header was bolded in the email along with a link to the official Biola press release website that posted updates about the litigation)
“Right now SB 1146 is being heard by the California Assembly's various committees. It has already passed the California Senate. On Tuesday, June 28 it will be heard in the Assembly Judiciary Committee. If approved, it will then move to the Appropriations Committee and then the Assembly for a full vote, likely in August. The best chance to stop it is before it reaches the Assembly floor for debate and vote. Updates on the status of SB 1146, and timely action steps you can take to help oppose the bill, will be posted on this website, so check back regularly to stay informed.”

“HOW YOU CAN HELP STOP IT:” (note: this header was bolded in the email, and afterwards there were 3 suggested action steps for students to take including links to write assembly member emails, appealing to hashtag movements on social media, other similar written-protest steps, and praying)

And the closing sentence:

“Join us in raising awareness about this bill and its consequences for faith-based higher education in California.”

There was even a follow-up email a month later, which included the following statement:

“The most important update is that SB 1146 was amended in the Assembly Judiciary Committee in late June and is now even more problematic for faith-based institutions than it was before” (note: the sentence from “and is now…than it was before” was bolded)

Along with links to articles which argued to oppose the bill and yet another header entitled:

“URGENT ACTION STEPS” (note: this header was bolded in the email, and afterwards there were 5 suggested action steps including contacting assembly members, pastors, sharing on social media, actually going to the Appropriations Committee hearing, signing up for email updates from the university regarding the bill, and praying)

Curiously, there were no links anywhere to a single source regarding the primary source text of the bill or articles/blog posts which advocated in favour of passing the bill to balance the articles which opposed it.  Here, I’m not thinking of “secular sources”, but to fellow Christians who were in favour of the legislation.  Nor were there any particular news stories posted on wider media outlets such as abcnews, or references to the various gay rights protests that occurred on campus.  These, to be quite frank, rather emotional and persuasive statements were also sent out well before any legislative bills were formally passed with up-to-date, frequent updates regarding the status of the proceedings.

Compare these emails and press releases to the press release Biola gave four days after the incident occurred:

On Friday, March 23, 2018 Campus Safety responded to a tip they received and conducted an investigation which led to the discovery of firearms in a student dorm room. In Campus Safety’s ongoing efforts to maintain a safe campus environment for all students, they contacted local authorities to get involved. Consequently, a Biola student was arrested and transported to Norwalk Sheriff’s Station where he was charged with multiple felonies including possession of a weapon on a university campus.

Norwalk Station detectives conducted an investigation, including an interview with the suspect, and found there was no threat to the campus’ students, faculty or staff. Biola’s Campus Safety will continue to assist law enforcement in their ongoing investigation. (note: “found there was no threat to the campus’ students, faculty or staff” was bolded)

Since the Norwalk Sheriff concluded there was no threat to the campus community, Biola’s leadership decided to wait until further details developed over the last few days before sharing it with parents. We take seriously possession of any firearms on campus and did not want to impede or interfere with the investigation by sharing premature information. Biola’s leadership has been closely monitoring the situation.

Biola's campus is a gun-free zone and will not tolerate possession of firearms anywhere on campus except by authorized Campus Safety personnel approved by the president.

Biola remains committed to the safety of all students on campus and will continue to do everything it can to provide a safe environment for the Biola community. Biola’s Campus Safety is consistently conducting training for our campus community. Earlier last week, the Biola community participated in a campus-wide lockdown drill as part of ongoing safety preparedness efforts led by the Campus Safety Department. We are grateful for Campus Safety’s vigilance and taking proactive measures in resolving this situation on campus without incident and their ongoing commitment to safety.

In sum these are the four total paragraphs regarding the incident.  Curiously, no appeals to protest, prayer, or detailed legislative action can be found, or outside resources cited about the incident which occurred on campus.  (For instance here: http://abc7.com/biola-student-arrested-after-guns-found-in-dorm-room/3271724/).  Nor was there impassioned rhetoric used to colour the viewpoints of events one way or another.

Note: I freely admit to not seeing any emails from Biola (I already scoured my old university account, which remains active even after you graduate, to see if one had been sent out, but perhaps they were only sent to current students), so if there are other quotations or major elements to note that I do not have in my ignorance, please feel free to comment with them.

In conclusion, I must reiterate my opening remark about being concerned about Biola’s lack of response to this most recent incident.  I am not trying to talk about personhood, agency, individuals, legislation, compassion, racism, or even larger debates about national gun reform and Christianity’s role it should (?) play in it.  I think a lot of those points are already expressed and debated in the comments.

(And honestly, I think JD eloquently states my personal thoughts on those matters, in his response to the comments of another individual:

"...while I agree that compassion for a brother in Christ is crucial, i’m confused by your language choice. You seem to speak as if this brother had no agency (he made a ‘dumb choice’ and should be ‘sympathized with’ because it’s ‘wrecking his life). We should certainly weep with those who weep, but this brother isn’t just a victim here; he is a responsible adult who broke the law in a way and at a time that is particularly alarming and insensitive to the fears of those around him. His crime also is wrapped up in several live and important political issues, whether or not he intended this. As such, I think it could only be fear or foolishness to not think about how political issues like race and gun violence might be at play here. Certainly this brother is a white man who thought he could get away with bringing an assault rifle into his dorm, which could only happen to someone in a very particular sociopolitical location with a good deal of privilege. He should NOT be cruelly lambasted, but I’m not sure that he needs to be wept with either, except in that he’s likely receiving undue hate alongside of very legitimate criticism and punishment and causing his family a great deal of distress."

" I also want to say clearly that alongside everything I've just said, I don't doubt that plenty of folks are abusing this situation to inappropriately harass [the student arrested in question], and I'm grateful that you recognize that. Any response that ignores or denigrates his personhood has to reckon with that choice, but I wonder if your response is taking seriously the fact that this whole incident is taking place within an institutional system that many believe is more prone to excuse and defend him than it is to engage with the real causes and consequences of what he did and how they might relate to ways in which the church and society has denigrated and ignored the personhood of many other folks.")

Rather, I want to come from a position of someone who wants to examine the culture of Biola (the institution) and the role it plays in cultivating the conversation that it has at Biola (the body of individuals that comprise it).

As someone who genuinely enjoyed attending Biola, it concerns me that a place where I met some of my closest friends and best mentors remains so silent and clinical on some select debates, but vocal and impassioned in others.  This is not evidence to me of an institution which truly advocates critical thinking, structured, respectful debate/discourse, or teaches students how to navigate the tricky web that is religion, politics, and culture, and how they interact with each other.  I worry about what this says about institutions that pride themselves on representing Christianity to the world.  I earnestly pray and long for the day when meaningful conversation and corresponding action can be taken side-by-side with prayerful meditation and Christ’s compassion.

And my follow-up comment to someone who appealed to having patience and trust in the authorities (and their investigation) regarding the lack of information about the case:

It's not just a frustration over a perceived lack of response/information.  I understand investigations require time to unfold, and formal emails/publicity releases are just a tiny portion of a much larger situation underneath the surface.  But that is precisely my point.  Publicity releases like these are meant to (nominally) inform the public, offer official stances/statements on a variety of issues, and generally be in response to topical issues.  The slow, clinical sparsity of Biola's statements in regards to this case is a sharp contrast to their fast, impassioned lengthy rhetoric in regards to a past case in which both situations were "hot topic" social/political issues that the Evangelical American community has collectively decided to have a formal stance on.  I do not doubt the care, compassion, or intent to do the right thing on behalf of the individuals involved.  I do, however, doubt the ability of a formalized institution and administration to properly convey this to both the Christian and non-Christian public.

All of this is indeed worrisome to me, as I think back to just a few months ago where a story of rape happening at Biola was similarly controversial across student body's (past and present) social media and hushed-up by the institutions.  Whether or not you "side" with one person or the other, it's becoming alarmingly clear to me that as an institution, Biola is not providing it's students the skills necessary to have meaningful, respectful discourse about real problems in our society which include gay rights, sexual assault/rape culture, and school shootings/gun control.  There should be a reconciliation between the idea of thoughtfully and prayerfully meditating on what action we should take and actually taking action to ensure the safety and protection of the marginalized and targeted.  It is not an either/or, but a both/and.

In my opinion, no action will ever be perfect, and an instant-solution doesn't exist.  Humanity never marches forward ever unceasingly towards a "better future" (Ecclesiastes, anyone?).  However, I do know that faith without works is dead (shout out to my boy James).  And as an institution, Biola seems to have little work to show regarding meaningful social/political reform to at least try and combat these issues that have creeped in upon the "Biola Bubble" that allegedly insulated them from the world.  Thus, in regards to it's vision as an institution which demonstrates true Christian values to the world, I worry what exactly the world perceives Christian values to be.

Wardrobe of Moral Imagination: Disney Bracket Fun Addition

Just a little something fun for March Madness today! (Although my custom bracket definitely would've had different starters/line-up! I just found this on Instagram pre-made).

Life Highlights: Day One of Adulting

Yesterday was a landmark day as I started my position as an “EA” (Executive Assistant) at HBO! It’s a “temp to full” position, meaning that I’m still technically under my staffing agency until I either am let go/quit the assignment or I am hired on full time.  It’s essentially like a probationary period, without actually being hired under HBO.  I’ve been keeping the whole affair fairly quiet, as I don’t want to officially announce anything across my social media (this blog being an exception) until I (hopefully) get the full time position officially.

However, as a result I had no time to write on my blog, as I was busy assimilating myself into the position.  So far (as I can tell from one day) everyone seems quite pleasant and the job seems fairly straightforward.  Obviously there will be a learning curve, but I’m not discouraged by any means.

The executive I’m assisting also seems like a great fit for my personality type.  The first impression I got from her was “trusting and fair” – I liked that she understands “life happens” and isn’t going to monitor the clock, trusting that I’ll know how long I need to stay in order to get my work done.  And I also like that with that trust, she expects me to do my work with thoroughness, precision, and without excuses.  Not to mention that her expectations seem fair – she doesn’t expect me to know everything on day one, and to actively ask questions if I need help.  I know that I couldn’t be an assistant for “just anyone” – especially if our personalities clashed.  So I’m very happy to see that prayers have been answered regarding this concern.  Meanwhile, my co-workers all seem friendly and helpful.  I work with one who is also a massive Bowie fan as well! Obviously, this made me extremely happy.  And all of them are there if I need to ask for any sort of advice which is really lovely too.

I think the main thing that threw me for a loop yesterday was my sharply conflicting emotions about the whole experience.  I felt weirdly excited, nervous, and hollow all equally distributed throughout the day.  I felt simultaneously overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the whole process.  Thinking everything through, I realized that I’ve never worked a “proper 9-5” before, and that it was a new way to re-schedule my life.

Before now, school was always from 8:30-15:10 (or from 8:30-13:45 on Thursdays).  Then university varied depending on the day, but normally I would try to stack my classes onto the fewest days possible in order to have lots of space in-between during the week to work on whatever I wanted, as weekends were always reserved for the Mouse.  Which, speaking of, working in restaurants conditioned me to think of weekends as prime work days rather than week days, where hours would be shorter – and even then, most shifts (if you’re not doing a double) only consist of 4-5 hour increments.  And even for the career I was pursuing for the first three years of university, the work schedule was styled in the fashion of college in the sense that freelance meant stacking your work into long days for a few months versus spread out over the year.  In short, I’ve never had a job (or actively thought of doing a job) since I was fifteen where you’re expected to show up Monday through Friday, “9-5” (although it’s actually more like “9-6:30”).  And the rest of my daily/working experience also conditioned my lifestyle and expectations to imagine a life where that wasn’t my reality.  I mean, even as a temp I would be able to go when I wanted to go in on assignments that varied in length, company, and position.

Now, that I’ve rather abruptly settled into such a routine, it’s … odd.  It feels like a loss to realise that things like doctor’s appointments and grocery shopping now have to conform to the “norm” of outside traditional working hours.  It’s weird to think that this is what most people do every day, and the mundane reality of it all.

I feel underwhelmed in the sense that I know what the job is, and it doesn’t seem like I’ll ever get the “film set high” again (in reference to the adrenaline rush akin to “runner’s high” that I would get on a film set, not marijuana).  I’m also not in the exact department I want to be in (yet), as a lot of this is to flesh out my resume in order to get to be a part of the Industry that I actually want to grow in (specifically, development/pre-production).  And even so, I currently don’t have a lot of “proper” work to do yet, as I’m still settling in and IT is still getting my account up and running so I am synced and allowed into all the systems that I need to access in order to do my job.  It feels like a lot of build up to essentially be left hanging.  Perhaps soon I will long for the day where it feels this peaceful once more, but for now I feel like I was building up to an ideal of a “fancy job as a fancy assistant in a fancy city” that was for naught.  Thankfully, though also surprisingly, my life is not like Anne Hathaway’s in The Devil Wears Prada.

Yet at the same time I feel overwhelmed on an interpersonal level.  Everyone I am working with is obviously a new face, and as someone who somewhat feels social anxiety, trying to learn everyone’s name and face and department feels a bit demanding.  Of course, on an intrapersonal level as well, wanting to make a good first impression on my boss and getting to know her are also things that add to the list of “Scary New Things”.  And on a technical level, trying to understand the various programmes and forms/formats that are the standard in house procedures is the cherry on top.  Sure, it won’t be too hard after a few tries, but the crash course is not something I particularly relish.

And in between those moments of under and overwhelmed expectations, I felt the traditional pull of nervousness mixed with excited-ness to start something new.  The emotions inherently present in the concept of a last potential “big change” (for at least a year), starting to establish a routine, were all accounted for.  However, what I didn’t account for was feeling … hollow.  Sporadically, three times throughout the day yesterday I felt empty.  And I couldn’t explain it until later when I realized that my emotional/mental health is truly on the mend.

There’s been times in my life where I have felt overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings in the face of change, just like any other person.  However, if I begin to feel anxious and stressed from these emotions in a setting where I can’t deal with them right away (like in a work setting), instead of healthily interacting and processing the emotions, my mind simply marks them as “too complicated to deal with right now” and compartmentalizes them away.  This is great in a siege situation, if I truly don’t have time to interact fully with my emotions.  However, I find myself unable (or perhaps unwilling) to take the emotions back out and properly sort through them once I’m able to be in a more conductive situation and setting.  For the first time in my life, I was able to realize a moment where I shut down, and it felt strange and foreign.  So in the end, I felt like I had reasonably processed through everything, although no conclusive thoughts or statements were made (much like much of my life post-Torrey, I’m afraid).

Thus, in conclusion, day one was as successful as it could be, relatively speaking.  And today, day two, is likewise promising as I slowly begin to take on more of my responsibilities as an EA.

Current Contemplation: Matthew Verses

"Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal.  Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.  Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. “Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light.  But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is! “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and be enslaved to money. “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing?  Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?  Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing,  yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.  And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’  These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.  Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today."
Matthew 6:19‭-‬34 NLT

Making the connection between money and earthly desires/ambition is something I finally got when reading these verses tonight, especially how the earthly desires relate to anxiety and difficulty with keeping steadfast in faith. I finally feel like my treasure is being directed towards the Things That Matter, as I look more towards God, my family, and my friends as the Things I Cherish above all else. Excellent verses to meditate on tonight.

Life Highlights: Drabbles 4

I was going to write a longer, meditative blog post today about the mundane and daily experiences but found that I just couldn't focus before taking yet another nap this afternoon (I fear what this inability to stay awake from around 2pm-4pm will say for when I start work on Tuesday!).  Also, I got incredibly caught up reliving parts of my Bowie obsession in between binge-watching more Crash Course on YouTube, revelling in the "stangst" of the "Gravity Falls" fandom, and having some anxiety related to starting work soon.  So instead here's an article I read today that my best friend Alex shared with me yesterday.  Incredibly interesting and compelling rhetoric about the "8th Deadly Sin You've Never Heard Of": Acedia.

Creative Writing: Haiku 33

Helped out with my church's Easter Egg Hunt for the kids today - brought back great memories of growing up and helping set up the event back home in Oregon!

An Easter Egg Hunt
Reminds me of Christ and of
Local Church events

Current Contemplations: My Opinion on the Opinion Section of the “Siuslaw News” and Thoughts About Rural versus Urban America

Well, Blogger.com is being dumb and not letting me copy and past my post from THIS:

https://www.facebook.com/notes/jade-herbert/my-opinion-on-the-opinion-section-of-the-siuslaw-news-and-thoughts-about-rural-v/10160221601665603/

So instead I am going to do a cop-out version and direct you to the link above to say Go There! Because I can't be bothered to figure this all out at 23:20 lol

Current Contemplations: Small Towns and Siuslaw News

Today I had a slice of home delivered to me all the way across the country in the form of the "Siuslaw News" - the local newspaper from my hometown.  The thoughts, feelings, and memories it evoked were varied and odd after essentially not living in Oregon for five years.  In those few, yet all too many, years, I moved addresses five times, worked at five different part-time jobs, lived in Los Angeles for four years, went through three different obsessions, met lifelong friends I never knew existed when I left, got a university degree, and am about to start working at a major media company in a "step one" of my career and post-college adult life.

Now going home to Oregon is an odd experience.  I know that back home I've been branded somewhat as a fairly liberal cosmopolitan, not used to small town, Oregon living anymore.  I still know quite a few people in town, and they know me, but it's still altered from the Florence, Oregon of my memories.  Elementary school kids I used to watch at VBS or middle school kids that were the younger siblings of people I went to school with are all now high schoolers or in university (which still blows my mind that some of those kids are old enough to be in university).  Old teachers I had are either retired, moved, or promoted to positions like principals and superintendents, and family friends have moved on with their lives in unexpected ways.  Meanwhile, businesses in town are either out of business, becoming obsolete, or significantly remodelled/changed.  It's like a slightly-off version of the hometown in my mind, but still alive and well.

This is especially well-timed after my recent contemplations all about rural versus urban America, and my nostalgia/homesickness for my hometown.  It's fascinating to now be far enough out after moving away where I can be excited in owning Oregon as my home state once more.  When I first left, I was determined to become a Californian, a city slicker who wasn't from a tiny town no one knew that was a grown-up.  But now I've been living in cities for about a fifth of my life - definitely for all of my adult life - and now I miss certain aspects of my hometown and have a better perspective on how its shaped and moulded my entire life.  My seemingly ingrained awareness and sensitivity to the environment and recycling, my inability to live inland after being so close to the ocean, my deep understanding of small town politics, my difficulty in making friends (there was never a need where everyone knew who you were and your friends had been your friends since pre-school) - so many things in my life have fundamentally been shaped by this tiny little coastal town, and I could never be more grateful.

I won't go into all my thoughts about rural versus urban America in this particular post, but having a little piece of home delivered all the way to New York City definitely made my day.  Especially when I remember my time in the spotlight the few occasions I made the top-fold front page of the local.

Wardrobe of Moral Imagination: Ford Fan Art Addition

Because I don't feel like writing anything after all the great talks I've had with my friends this week, feeling a bit under the weather, and generally being so tired, have some of my favourite fanart (courtesy of tumblr) of my forever favourite from my mini!obsession of "Gravity Falls":

#godblessford #youcantafFORDhim #sciencehusbandhas12phds #zeropercentcommonsense #ahundredpercentdork #worldsnerdiestoldman #happyowlishisownscifiactionhero #hehasntbeeninthisdimensionforareallylongtime #sayhopithelps

Creative Writing: Haiku 32

Last week of freedom

To be exchanged for steady

Paycheques and days off

Creative Writing: Haiku 31

I can not focus
My eyes wander and my mind
Drifts out on the waves

Life Highlights: Drabble 3

Unfortunately, I have spent the last few days feeling under the weather, so no major blogging or writing or creating or anything has happened.  I've been having a difficult time staying focused on anything long term, other than binge-watching Gravity Falls and Crash Course episodes.  Today I marathoned almost half of the US History unit, which was really great to revisit, as the only ones I've ever watched all the way through are the Astronomy, World Mythology, and Theater and Drama units, although I also watched a majority of the World History, Film History, and Games episodes over the years as well.

I'm hoping that I feel better by this time next week, as I start my new gig on the 27th! I don't want to go to work sick, so I'm trying to use my last week of "freedom" to get over my cold and ear infection (both of which are not fun).

In other news, I can't believe March is almost over - the month seemed to fly by! And my birthday is only in 17 days! It seems like spring weather can't come soon enough, though, as tomorrow is the first day of spring but we're supposed to get snow storms this week (boo).

Other than that, life has been good being able to talk with people back home on the west coast and taking advantage of my stay on the east coast (like going to the Met thanks to a membership my mom gave me for an early birthday present).  And my creative energy has been going into my concept idea I developed this past week and reviewing short stories, scripts, and poems my truly talented friends have sent my way.

I have slacked on my reading list this past month, however, so I hope to get back to that this week, or at the very least during the month of April (that is, when I'm not trying to settle into my new job).

Creative Writing: Poem 1

(If you know what film this gif comes from, you win all the awards)

I've been so used to trying to
fill the holes in my heart
with empty ambition and pride, to
repair the cracks with hollow apathy,
that it never occurred to me to
try and mend my tattered soul
through the love of Christ.

Life Highlights: Mini-Drabble

These past few days have been busy and harrowing and emotionally draining, but in all the best ways. My journal and hand-written work that I do offline is slowly but surely being filled with great ideas and spiritual growth. Not to mention that big changes are coming next next week! Tomorrow I hope to write a bit more, but for now I plan on passing out once again and travelling back to the land of nod.

Creative Writing: Haiku 30

I am hollowed out

To make space for You, oh Lord

Your Spirit fills me

Current Contemplations: An Open Letter to the Biola Film Student

An Open Letter to the Biola Film Student,

As much as you may love the school, your friends, and the fact that you are in Los Angeles DOING THE THING and GOING AFTER THE DREAM, you may not always love the film programme.  Before, during, and after my time at Biola I have heard the repeated refrain: why do I have to get a degree? Especially at a school where, let's face it, the programme is not USC or UCLA, and as a result, you wonder if you're wasting your time.  After all, everyone (the professors included) joke that you don't really "need" a degree to get a job, and what's better than real-world experience? And you know plenty of people who never went to a four-year university who are in THE INDUSTRY working right now!

Well, I'm here to tell you that your time at university and, yes, your degree, DOES actually "matter".

Let me preface this by saying that I am not planning on becoming a 1st A/C, a key grip, or a studio driver.  You would be right in assuming that all of these roles (and many others) require technical knowledge that a four-year school like Biola doesn't necessarily provide.  And I too know plenty of people who are perfectly fine with taking the "university isn't for everyone" route and are happily and successfully working in THE INDUSTRY.  I was also, it is worth mentioning, a "bad" film student in that I never wanted to touch a camera or a piece of editing software if I could help it.  And to make matters worse I questioned whether or not I "really wanted to do the film thing" multiple times throughout my studies.

However, all of that being said, I am going to assume that you do believe that going to university was the right choice for you (over a technical school or something else).  I am also going to assume that your ultimate career goal is, indeed, in some capacity in the film industry.  If both of these statements apply to you, then I want you to know that you are NOT wasting your time at Biola for three (closely related) reasons.

1) A degree does actually mean something.  It means the "oh so coveted" word "experience".

I moved to New York City to try to make it in the Big Apple with nothing more than an undergraduate film degree to my name and a belief that in the entertainment business degrees were "nice to have".  But after quite a few interviews and applications to be an assistant in fields as diverse as publishing, music, art galleries, advertising, and, of course, film, something quickly became apparent to me: degrees mattered.  A lot.  In every single interview that wasn't related precisely to film-making, I had to justify my experience and try to prove to them that my education could translate to their industry.  The answer I kept getting? "You'd make a great assistant, but we want someone with more experience."  The only ones where I was a serious contender for the position? Film studios.  In fact, at the end of the interview I actually succeeded at, I heard: "...and the fact that you have a film degree is a huge plus."  The verdict? Just the fact that you have a degree in the subject you studied does in fact count as that "experience" you feel like you are missing out on while getting it.

2) Degrees mean keeping your options open.

Another benefit of getting a bachelor's? It means you can apply to a variety of jobs that simply require a four-year degree in anything.  For instance, if you decide to travel and you want to teach English in a foreign country for a year.  Or, if you're still not sure what you want to do, you have the option to go to grad school and study something else.  The point is, just having a four-year allows you to have more options at your disposal for what type of path(s) you want to take.  And a film degree can only help your chances at getting hired IN INDUSTRY, never harm them (see point number 1).

3) University means allowing yourself the time to cultivate your community and yourself.

This is, perhaps, the most important reason to get a degree at Biola although it doesn't feel like it when you're young, eager, ambitious, and ready to start your career.  There is only so much time in your life where you're able to set aside a good amount of time and take a conscious effort to understand yourself and be a part of a community that you care about and that cares about you.  This is not something to devalue or to throw away.  After graduation, you realise how extremely important it is to have that support group externally, and to have a strong sense of yourself internally "to keep the dream alive".  And if that wasn't enough, people who are successful collaborators IN INDUSTRY for decades usually are so because they met in college.  Biola offers an amazing community of thoughtful, interesting, and passionate film-makers who care about collaboration and encouragement.  These are rare things to find.

So, young film-maker, these are the reasons I advocate for you to "stay and get that degree".  Even if it's at a film school where networking and connections post-graduation feel thin at best.  The opportunities are always out there if you stay determined and keep putting yourself out there.  The identity you're forming and the friends you make are not investments to take for granted or dismiss as "unimportant".

Now is the time to make sure your entire self-worth isn't put into your career.  Now is the time to form hobbies and try new things.  Now is the time to make sure you establish emotional anchors that will keep you grounded through battling the rocky seas of Hollywood where everything changes and new deals are made Yesterday.  Because, believe it or not, the cliche is true.  Without an identity outside of film-making and people to share your accomplishments with, when you do finally secure that coveted BIG BREAK, the Legendary Opportunity feels pretty hollow.

Sincerely,
Someone Who Has "Made It" in New York City