Life Highlights: My New (York) City

Goodbye West Coast

Two years, seven months, three weeks, and two days ago I was in New York City on David Bowie's birthday.

Then, I was a traveller - a tourist - with my sister for a week (her combined birthday and Christmas present that year). I didn't really care who David Bowie was, and I was just about to start the second half of my sophomore year of college. I still lived in the dorms, and I still hadn't found a job.

Now, I am still a traveller - but this time with the intent to stay for a little longer than a week. And instead of being just about to finish out my sophomore year, I find myself on the cusp of just finishing university. I do, however, find myself once again jobless (although not homeless!).

Yet more than any other thought, I can't help but dwell on the fact that the last time I was here I was in the same city as David Bowie who was alive and well. I've ruminated a lot on why I'm moving (again) in the past few days as I've cleaned out my first ever apartment and packed up my entire life into seven bags. And what's strange to me is how much Bowie has been a part of my decision to move across the country. He was, quite literally, the catalyst for me to go to New York.

I remember visiting the city with Manar in 2015 and thinking nothing particularly special of the city. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it. I was happy exploring the city with her and I had a great time. But it also wasn't MY city (that one has always been London). However, after I started diving deep into my Bowie-induced craze I became obsessed with moving to New York. I wanted to find out Why Here? Why, out of all the cities he travelled to and lived in (including London), did he choose to call New York City Home?

Obviously I've had my various obsessions before (Doctor Who, Sherlock, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, etc), and with all of them I've tried to chase some component of what makes them so magical (ie going to the Doctor Who Experience in Cardiff, planning a self guided tour of London per the Sherlock filming locations, etc). But I've never decided to move across the country because of one before. A permanent, actual, honest-to-goodness move that requires real money, time, planning, and hard work. And now I'm here, on a plane, about to land in my New (York) City.

When I met up with Alex last week, I compared my move to a work of art. The impetus to create the piece is your own. You consider the idea, carefully plan it, put time and money into prepping for it, and essentially do everything you can to prepare for creating your new Masterpiece. Along the way, of course, you have doubts. You start to reconsider the concept of your piece, maybe you have to reconsider your supplies and materials, but you forge on ahead. You begin to make the piece. Now, the creation of it is larger than your initial concept. The embryonic beginnings may have been in your "control", but now it's out of your hands. The artwork has taken on a life of it's own. You're committed to finishing the piece no matter what.

In a lot of ways that's how this move has felt. I may have laid the foundation for the move through my desire to find out more about Bowie, but since I bought my plane ticket in June everything has been out of my control (even if I wanted to go back and stay in LA). Then again, maybe this move just put back into perspective the Truth - that God is the One in Ultimate Control (not me).

And the more I've tried to analyse my own reasons for moving to New York I find myself increasingly unable to name one. I mean, if you told me I was going to move to New York City as soon as I graduated university (to Manhattan, no less!) I would've thought you were crazy. And I still kind of do. But looking back on the decisions I've made, life experiences I've had, and interests I've cultivated these past two years makes me realise how little input I've actually had into Deciding to Move. It's been God 110% of the way guiding me into wanting to actively pursue this new dream.

I literally have no idea why I'm moving. I have no plan. I'm still not sure what's waiting for me other than "Life Experiences" (Generic Brand™). But as I've been learning since graduation, you're not ready until you're ready and you don't know what to learn until you've learned it. Here I think of Dr. Wright's sage advice that I finally understand. You can plan and dream and set goals for yourself. But most of the time you're never fully "ready" for the next thing in life. You never know what a new experience will end up teaching you. Until suddenly, you take the plunge, and you Know. You've become ready in the act of doing it, you learned a lot from diving headfirst into an unknown lesson. And similarly I won't know why I moved until I've moved.

Here, I think of my job at Disney. All I knew I wanted out of it was a pay cheque at the beginning. I never knew I would learn and cultivate important skills for my profession and my character from a job as a host in a restaurant. But now that I look back on my time at PCH I know I learned how to work with others. I learned how to manage different demands from various parties, how to navigate a workplace community, how to stand firm in a decision when there's a lot of criticism about your choice, how to be a good friend, how to celebrate the "ordinary", and how to love others well.

And I have a sneaking suspicion that this move will turn out the same way. All I really want out of this move is a job, to grow in my relationship with God, to make some good art, and to get some life experiences out of it. But I know there's so much more for me in store that I can't even imagine right now. And it's exciting. And scary. Which, speaking of, I know a lot of my posts this past month have been pretty "drama llama extreme" of me (it's like I'm dying or something with the amount of hyperbole and dramatic license I've used to talk about recent events). But I've got to admit I'm pretty scared.

I still don't know what I'm going to DO in New York City once I finish moving into the new place (I've literally been putting all my focus into just GETTING THERE). I'm really nervous about meeting new people, and I already really miss everyone back on the west coast. I don't know what my new church family or co-workers will look like. I don't even know what my "local shop", favourite hideaway, or weekend plans will look like. But as scared as I've been, I keep going back to Dr. Wright's (additional) advice and words of comfort - that Abraham also didn't know what was going to happen when he was called to go to the desert, and a Great Nation was made from him. And as long as I follow God faithfully then exciting, painful, joyful things will happen in my life too.

Not to mention reminding myself to offer up my hopes and fears to God has been critical. Prayer is literally the only thing that keeps me going, and sometimes I forget that.

The worst parts of this move have always been when I felt like I had to do everything myself - and for what? To move and be depressed and miss home. But the best times of the move have by far been whenever I "remember" God. It's His Will and His Team - and I'm along for the ride as a faithful teammate (yay Team Jesus). And He has been completely steadfast. Whenever I despaired about getting enough money, a place to live, or a zillion other things that came up, He has always provided. Not in the way I expect (or even dream of), and certainly never on MY timeline. But always on His timeline in His own way (which is always ALWAYS better).

So now that I'm about to land, why am I moving to New York? I'm really not sure. But I think it has something to do with finding God (and David Bowie).