Creative Writing: Happy Valentine's Day!

Have a Cheesy Valentine's Day Card (Gravity Falls Themed!)

In honour of Valentine's Day, here are some similes I tried to write about some of my friends that convey how I feel about them, what I love about our relationship, and their essence as a person:

(in no particular order):

You are ...

like that one song you can never get out of your head
like a warm cup of tea after a long day
like a ship safe at harbour
like a well-worn, well-loved old sweater
like sneaking out after dark
like going for a drive with no destination
like a crisp summer morning

Creative Writing: Character Practice

Wish spring was here

Tonight I tried to encapsulate my best friends in a single word. I wanted to see how I would characterise them, if I could, to one-dimensionalise my very three-dimensional loved ones, and I failed miserably.

When I started trying to think of one word, I had a vague impression, but immediately I wanted to write more and clarify some of my first thoughts a bit better, which I think is an excellent reminder for when we all too often want to dismiss people as unchangeable, two-dimensional Others.

So here are a few excerpts of my thoughts, everything I admire and think of, as related to my top five, in no particular order:

Sister. Incredibly, wickedly street smart and book smart. A natural question-asker, curious, and willing to try anything once. A social chameleon, adaptable to any situation and charm the pants off everyone you meet. You take everything to heart and never forget, even if you pretend like you do, incredibly sensitive to the plight of others. Strong and independent. Like your favourite song that brings back good memories and is a classic hit for any time and any place.

Back up plan. Geeky, sarcastic, and stupidly smart with a work ethic that puts me to shame. Ambitious and competitive. Like a well-worn favourite sweater, familiar and always a good choice for going into battle.

Cool as a cucumber. Filled with the Spirit, content and joyous. Ridiculously talented at anything you put your mind to. A great listener and incredibly insightful. Not to mention hilarious. Like a ship in harbour, at peace with the world and ready for any adventure.

Charismatic. Undeniably intelligent and creative. In possession of a ridiculous work ethic and determination. You're able to converse about anything and everything. Intense and focused, but also a huge dork. Like a masterpiece that opens up your world to a new way of living and inspires you to be better.

My favourite artist. Compassionate and earnest. A great listener. Open-minded and open-hearted. You always share the best advice and the best art work. Sensitive and insightful. Crazy smart and crazy kind. Like a warm cup of tea, comforting and just the right remedy to feel better after a long day.

Current Contemplations: New Story Concept (Drabble)

Since getting deeper into the Gravity Falls fandom, (my love for the show is starting to override my 24/7 thoughts of Bowie!), I've lately been thinking about how much I would love to create children's shows once again.

Gravity Falls is absolutely genius, and epitomizes the type of show I would love to make one day.  In particular, the fact that it takes place in Oregon has made me search my memories of growing up in the Beaver State to see if I have any good story inspiration ideas.

Right now I'm still contemplating, but hopefully, in a few months, I will have a good concept.  In the meantime, I will take solace in these awesome characters that have captured my heart (and my attention span).

I love my evil dorito and world's nerdiest old man.

Life Highlights: Not Homeless (Part 2)!

To celebrate, here's some happy fan art of the Pines family that someone incredibly talented on the Internet made!

I am very happy to report that I have officially found a new place to stay for the next six months! It's cheaper than my current affair, and it comes furnished, with an elevator, a/c, and in unit laundry! And it's (literally) down the street from the place I've been staying at, so moving will be a cinch.

I'm so incredibly thankful and blessed that God has granted me a new apartment to call home in Manhattan, and that He has answered my New York quest favourably.  I can't believe that I can officially say that my first year in the City is now guaranteed.  Thanks to all my friends and family on the prayer brigade as well! All of your well wishes and encouragement have sustained me throughout this incredible journey Eastward.

Creative Writing: Haiku 22

Oregon is where
My heart lies and where my thoughts
Turn to every day

Current Contemplations Journal 3 Review & Lessons from Ford

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS MAJOR GRAVITY FALLS AND JOURNAL 3 SPOILERS

So yesterday I bought Journal 3, the canon copy of the book from Gravity Falls, and it didn't disappoint.  I could go on and on about how you should buy this book if you're a fan of the show (or even if you're not) because of how incredibly detailed and well-written it is.  The perfect supplement to the show, it both embellishes the show with more details/insight into character motivations/arcs as well as furthering the show's plot even after the finale.

Perhaps my favourite thing about the book, however, is that it made the character of Ford more relatable, empathetic, and ultimately my favourite one of the bunch.  His parallel to Dipper's character is clear in the show, and in my original run-through of the show, Dipper was my favourite, so it makes sense to me that Ford could become my new #1.  Both of them are incredibly smart, courageous, curious, in posession of a birth abnormality, and a bit nerdy.  The main difference between the two, is that Dipper contains all of Ford's strengths, but battles his weaknesses correctly.  Dipper doesn't fall into the same hubristic trap that Ford does, and learns to values family and friends over being a hero much sooner.

Thus, it doesn't surprise me that Ford's arc is instantly, as an adult, more relatable than Dipper's.  When he and his brother Stan and fail to work together to vanquish evil, but see Dipper and Mabel work together to fight the villain, Bill Cipher, Ford wonders how they're able to put aside their differences.  In response, Stan says, "They're kids, they don't know any better."  Truer words couldn't be spoken, as I think that as adults, we do find it harder to work together because we "know better".  We know what it's like to be betrayed, to be disappointed, to be a failure.  Is it any wonder I relate so strongly to Ford? The slightly nerdy outcast who longs to be great, gain acceptance, recognition, and prove his naysayers wrong?

Perhaps I don't have naysayers per say, but I do understand the rest of his quest.  Reading "his" journal made me realise that as altruistic as I would like to think my move to New York was, I can't deny the more selfish part of me.  The part which wanted to move to accomplish - something.  To prove to the world, but mostly to myself, that I wasn't a failure.  To succeed here - somehow - before going back to the West Coast to show off my great adventure, my great deeds, my great victories.  To have a reason for my family to be proud of me that I could point to.

I'm not sure what to do with this insight that Journal 3 helped me understand other than to acknowledge it and move forward.  I recognize that part of my hope in moving was to accomplish Greatness and win Glory.  After I read The Sailor Who Fell from Grace With the Sea, I wrote this snippet in my journal:

My soul feels restless.  Like a wandering spirit is caught in my breast, always fighting, always seeking for a place to call home.  My inability to find contentment is worrisome.  I hope one day to be granted a reprieve from my suffering.  Loneliness is good for character building, but I am unsure if I will be chosen to have glory thrust upon me.

But after reading Ford's words, I hope that I remember to rely on a community that has supported me every step of the way (even - especially - when I fail to acknowledge them).  I hope that I remember not to waste the second chances I will inevitably need.  I hope to remember that humility, trust, and love is where true glory is found.  

Below are excerpts from the book that wonderfully illustrate Ford's most relatable journey:

I could relate to his ambition.  I discussed my dreams of proving my theory.  I could finally leave Gravity Falls, return home to the East Coast, & publish my findings to the world.  I'd be the toast of the scientific community, rubbing elbows with presidents and prizewinners, debating politics with Reagan, and discussing turtleneck fashion tips with Carl Sagan.  Imagine the look on the dean of West Coast Tech's face when he saw that the student he refused was now the next Einstein! Imagine how proud my family and hometown would be: the "Freak" would return a hero!

--

Our family is in danger, and I have to do something about it.  I have been hesitant, however, to talk to the rest of the Pines about Bill (even Dipper, who I've grown to trust).  I'd like to believe that this is out of a desire to protect them, but if I'm honest with myself, it's because I'm ashamed ...

What would they think of me if they knew that it was my folly, my hubris, that conjured Bill in the first place? That he tricked me into creating the portal, and that the rift is a direct, physical reminder of the terrible deal I made so many years ago? Would Dipper still look up to me - or would he just consider me a fool?

No, I need not tell them everything.  Just enough for now.

--

Looking back on my lifetime of catastrophic mistakes, I realize one great pattern in all my follies.  I thought being a great man meant being alone.  Apart from the crowd.  I bristled at the idea of sharing my accomplishments with anyone.  I shunned my brother for one dumb mistake, and I shunned Fiddleford for having the sense to try and stop me from dooming the world. 

Even when I was given a second chance, I still held others as a distance.  If I had been able to widen my circle of trust ... if I had believed in the Zodiac's prophecy sooner ... we might have gathered everyone together and banished Bil before he was able to strike.  I just couldn't get over the idea of myself as the lone hero ... and it was Stanley who paid the price.

"Trust No One." What an absurd and paranoid idea.  Trust shouldn't be given unconditionally, but it should be given a chance to be earned.  There is strength in having the humility to work with and sacrifice for others - a strength I now realize was in my brother all along.

Stanley Pines was the man who saved the world, not me.  I spent so long thinking he was a selfish jerk, and he turned out to be the most selfless man I've ever met in any dimension.  If I'm totally honest, I must admit that he's a hero and I'm ... a hero's brother.  And I'm okay with that.

--

It is a beautiful summer day.  Everyone is packing for their respective futures, but I have found my mind drifting to how lovely the cloudless sky looks beneath the August sun.  I've spent too long with my head in a book; it's time to look at the world - and people - around me once more.

--

And that brings us to you, dear reader.  If you are holding this book in your hands, you hold something more than a record of the curious happenings of a town called Gravity Falls.  You hold a record of one man's folly and the kindness of a family that saved him from himself.  It's never too late to learn that growing old doesn't have to mean growing up.

Stay curious, stay weird, stay kind, and don't let anyone ever tell you you aren't smart or brave or worthy enough.

David Bowie: "Conversation Piece" Highlight

Okay okay, I know it's day 2 of postponing my fic, but this is an important highlight! It's been over two years since my in-depth study on (read: obsession with) David Bowie began, but I'm still constantly surprised at how, just when I'm unable to articulate something that I'm feeling, I find a perfect song by him that says it already.

Case in point, for the past twelve weeks, I have been unable to properly understand or convey what I've been feeling.  I've been up and down and all around on the emotional/mental/spiritual health spectrum.  I've felt weirdly lonely, frustrated, productive, apathetic, nostalgic, hopeful, and depressed both in turns and in multiple conflicting feelings all in one go.  I wasn't even sure how to express what I was feeling to myself.

But then last night I re-listened to Bowie's song "Conversation Piece".  Now, I can officially say not only have I gained a new appreciation for the work, but it's been officially elevated to my theme song for my time living in New York City.

LYRICS:
I took this walk to ease my mind
To find out what's gnawing at me
Wouldn't think to look at me
That I've spent a lot of time in education
It all seems so long ago 

I'm a thinker, not a talker
I've no-one to talk to, anyway
I can't see the road
For the rain in my eyes 

I live above the grocer's store
Owned by an Austrian
He often calls me down to eat
And he jokes about his broken English
Tries to be a friend to me 

But for all my years of reading conversation
I stand without a word to say
I can't see the bridge
For the rain in my eyes 

And the world is full of life
Full of folk who don't know me
And they walk in twos or threes or more
While the lamp that shines above the grocer's store
Investigates my face so rudely 

And my essays lying scattered on the floor
Fulfill their needs just by being there
And my hands shake, my head hurts, my voice sticks inside my throat
I'm invisible and dumb, and no-one will recall me
And I can't see the water
For the tears in my ey-y-yes

The song was officially released on the B-side of the 1970 single "The Prettiest Star", although it has several iterations floating around.  There's an early demo of an unknown date with an intro identical to "Starman", a second demo from April 1969, a final studio cut which was recorded during the David Bowie (1969) album sessions, a revived version with a gorgeous string arrangement and sung in a different octave was recorded during the abandoned Toy (2000) album sessions, and of course the remastered version on the Five Years (2015) compilation album. (Pegg) (O'Leary) (David Bowie News)

According to Kenneth Pitt (Bowie's manager in the late 1960s), he thought 'Conversation Piece' was "one of David's most underrated and little-known compositions". (Pegg)  And Mike Garson, Bowie's long-time piano player, characterised the piece as breathtaking, saying, "'Conversation Piece' is one of the most beautiful pieces David ever wrote. He recorded it in the sixties but we recorded it again in 2000. This song is so gorgeous. It's in my top 10 of David's songs."  Once again Bowie's genius is showcased in these reviews because for such high praise, the song actually has a fairly simple musical structure, which O'Leary characterises as:

...three meandering verses, three tight eight-bar choruses (half lyric, half wordless).  For the final verse, Bowie uses a standard trick and changes key, bumping all the chords up one step (so while the third line of the verse - for example, "he often calls me down to eat" - has been C/G, it's now D/G ("and they walk in twos and threes or more"), and so forth).  To further the sense that the singer is breaking down, the last verse extends into a faster-paced section with shorter sung phrases until collapsing into the final chorus. (O'Leary)

Additional inspirations are noted by Pegg when he writes, "...'Conversation Piece' did not spring fully-formed from David's brow: it echoes the bruised emotional landscape of Simon and Garfunkel's 'I Am A Rock', and it owes a clear debt to a track on Biff Rose's 1968 album The Thorn In Mrs Rose's Side, in which Rose takes a similarly self-absorbed walk into town - the song is called 'What's Gnawing At Me', a line poached by Bowie's lyric". (Pegg)

Now don't get me wrong, I've always loved this piece - it's simple, lovely, and contains the right amount of melancholy, clever imagery, and solipsism that characterises 1960s!Bowie.  But last night was the first time I finally understood what Bowie was trying to say, rather than admiring some nice wordplay like, "But for all my years of reading conversation/I stand without a word to say".  In The Complete David Bowie (2016), Pegg describes the piece as:

[an] overlooked and melancholy 1969 number [which] features a lovely melody and an emotive lyric addressing familiar Bowie topics of alienation and social exclusion.  The self-portrait of a misunderstood and unappreciated young writer struggling to achieve something worthwhile from his London bedsit ("I'm invisible and dumb, and no-one will recall me") acutely matches the image, suggested by many contemporary accounts, of David himself on the eve of his first success. 

As someone who also feels like a misunderstood and unappreciated young artist struggling to achieve something "worthwhile", with multiple job applications rejected, a sense of crippling loneliness, and feeling nowhere close to succeeding in my industry or post-college life, the song seemed to speak to my soul.

But I think O'Leary describes best why this song holds such powerful resonance for me, when he writes his personal reflection on the themes of the piece:

Most of all, [the song] captures well the curse of urban anonymity—its title is a cruel joke, the “conversation” only going on in the singer’s head. Once during a hard spell while living in NYC I spent a weekend almost entirely out of doors, going from shop to cafe to library, and realized at some point during it that I had talked to absolutely no one, except maybe to mutter thanks to a ticket-taker or cashier. The sense of moving among a great mass of people and feeling utterly invisible and isolated from them is almost addicting at first, and then it can just sink your soul. (O'Leary)

And perhaps it's also rather reassuring to think that these words, although written fifty years ago, seem to transcend time as they are still able to offer me a sense of camaraderie with Bowie since he was my age when he composed them.  To know I share the same frustration, melancholy, loneliness, (and certain amount of solipsism), as Bowie did when he was my age, makes me feel a little less frustrated, a little less lonely, and a little more hopeful.