Thursday, August 31, 2017

Life Highlights: Last Night in the First Apartment

Side benefit of staying indoors all day? Beating the almost 100°F heat. Ugh.
First day of being unemployed in two years. Didn't really leave the flat, but major accomplishments achieved on the moving front. Both beds were moved out today (after much stress on both Manar and my part), so we have officially gotten rid of all our furniture! We also cleaned out every single drawer and cupboard space so now anything that's left is out in the open to examine.

We have a TON of stuff we're donating (Manar doesn't want it and I can't take it) so our lives really have become pretty minimalist (minus all the nonsense left in Oregon). She took three small car loads plus one truck (full of larger furniture pieces) over to her new digs in LA. I will be taking four large checked bags, two carry ons, and one and a half personal items to NYC.

Moving everything has definitely made this whole "move" thing even more...real. With no work or other business to keep me distracted, everything is finally hitting home that I. Am. Actually. Doing. This.

In a lot of ways this move has been a long, drawn out process. Just as tiring as applying to colleges in high school (if not more so). It's been thought of and saved for over the course of two years. And my goodbyes to everyone both at work and school have been long, drawn out processes for the past few months. So although I'm definitely not ready to leave everyone, I also feel like I've said my goodbyes and it's time to go. As my friend Alex put it, you can still grieve for loss without losing anything. And although I'm sad to leave, I also know I haven't lost anything. If anything this move has taught me how loved I am by God, my family, and my friends.

Over the past five years I've wrestled with acute feelings of loneliness and mild depression. Oftentimes I feel like I can't relate to another person, or get lost inside my own spiralling thoughts. And during these times of immense pressure and melancholy it's hard for me to remember and feel loved. So this move, although it's been extremely stressful and taxing in so many ways, is simultaneously a blessing for helping me finally understand that I am not alone and that I am loved.

It's strange to think that this is the last night I will spend in my very first apartment. I'm sad to see it go (Uptown Whittier is a great place and this was the best first apartment ever), but I'm still more excited to see what's ahead. 

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Life Highlights: Last Disney Day (For Now)

"Welcome to the PCH Grill, now as we all know PCH stands for Pacific Coast Highway, and we're in southern Califonia, so let's start in the south and work our way up north! As we get in our "cars" and go we'll be able to see some highlights along the way." - My opening to the dinner "buffet tour" I gave guests, featuring our God-awful carpet

Today was my last day working at Disney after a little over two years! It was definitely a bittersweet last shift as I was surrounded by co-workers I have grown to love over the course of my college experience.  And today I wanted to honour the occasion with talking about what Disney(land) has come to mean to me.

I had originally applied to Disney as one of many in a flurry of part-time job applications during my sophomore year of university.  Of all the restaurant positions I had applied to, Disney was the only one to contact me back.  After a few months of waiting and interviewing, Disney wanted to have one last follow-up with me and to schedule my orientation during the summer of 2015.  The only problem was that I was in Cambridge.  So almost the day after I got off a plane from England, I went immediately to the casting centre to start my path of becoming a Disney employee.

I was excited to work for the Mouse (like everyone, I grew up on Disney films), but I was more excited to receive a pay cheque.  Orientation, however, could never have prepared me for what I actually dealt with every day.  My first day on the job I remember being a sponge - overwhelmed with a lot of information, but also excited to observe and take it all in.  I remember I didn't know where to go, and after wandering to (what I now know is) the lobby bar, Davina showed me backstage to meet my trainer and get my costume.  The first thing I was asked to do? Check people into the restaurant.  I was the person who greeted you at the front podium when you had reservations.  It was easy and fun, and I really didn't understand a lot about hosting until a lot later.

I had bangs, I was quiet, and all I wanted to do was check people in.  I really didn't want anything to do with the restaurant proper until much later (after I had been at the job for about six months).  I remember that I actually came to eat at PCH in January of 2016, but I was still so relatively unknown (due to being so quiet when I was hired) that only the hosts, Lisa (one of my leads), and Steve (one of my still favourite servers) knew who I was.

A lot of this changed when I got a taste for assigning.  I don't remember the first day I assigned, but I knew I loved it.  It was the thing I had been eyeing since I had become a host, but I didn't have enough seniority to ask to do it.  I also knew it was what I wanted to do because I originally applied to become a busser.  However, during the interview, the woman thought I would make a better host after hearing what I did in film school (which was schedule and coordinate) because of the fact that hosts assign tables.

(Warning: A lot of technicalities about being a host ahead.  Skip ahead to the "interesting" part of discussing "what working at Disney has meant to me/my reflections on the job" if this doesn't interest you)

What does this mean? You, who are not in the restaurant or hosting business, may ask me.  What does it mean to be the "Assigner"? Essentially at my restaurant, it meant that I was the person who determined what table you sat at, what the wait time was, and which parties (or groups of people) each server received.  In essence, it seems like an easy job.  In reality, it was one of the toughest jobs I've ever had.  It was more than just "here's your table and here's your server".

A typical day as an assigner played out like so:

Roll-call information before we opened: We have, say, 500 guests on the books for today (our restaurant is only open from 7:00am-11:30am and our restaurant capacity is technically 224).  We also have a breakdown sheet to see where most guests come in at what time, and how big the parties are.  Typically "busy" times were from 8:30am-9:30am and from 10:00am-10:30am.  We usually had a sprinkling of "large" parties ranging from 8 people to 25 people (although some days we would have more or less big parties - the largest party day I ever remember having [that didn't just book the entire restaurant] was a party of 50 and a party of 40 on the same day).  There were usually around 10 or so of these "large" parties.  Almost always scheduled at our "busy" times.

My task? To get all the reservations in on time and to get as many people inside the restaurant as possible.

The Obstacles?

1) Most guests changed how many people were in their party.  Sometimes it was "no big deal" like a party of 2 changing to a party of 3 (they forgot to count their two-year-old in the reservation).  But a lot of the time it was a larger change (one week I had almost every single large party drastically change sizes - so a reserved party of 16 people became a party of 20, a party of 20 people became a party of 10, a party of 8 became a party of 12, and so on).

Although from a guest perspective this doesn't seem like "a big deal", in reality, it means the difference of an entire server's rotation because a party of 16 could potentially take three tables (as in putting three tables together) while a party of 20 definitely needs at least four tables.  This means that a server could have "Three Rotations", or turns pass, or "Four Rotations" occur depending on the party size.  Not to mention the fact that if you don't save enough tables the guests will be unable to sit on time, and you'll end up waiting for someone else to finish eating and for the table to be cleaned in order to "add it" to your large party table set up.  So having an incorrect guest count was a huge problem.

Each day a "breakdown" was similar to a film schedule (to me).  Nice to have, but in practice both become more of a "guideline" than what actually happens, and you have to become experienced to know how to still fit everyone in on time (or in the case of film, get all the shots you need while still getting out on time).

None of this is even to mention the sheer volume guest requests (aka complaints) I received every day (ie why is our wait time so long, what do you mean you can't find my reservation, no one told me there were no characters at night, on and on and on until I wanted to just close the restaurant early and go home - fun fact, you may be "hangry" but I am too because I work during the times most people eat - and I don't take it out on you).

2) Managing "Rotation" (aka my co-workers' personalities).  Don't get me wrong, I don't intend this to be an "I'm better than everyone else" statement or a "I'm a manager so I know what I'm doing" statement.  I'm just a "lowly host" and proud of it.  What I mean by this is knowing which parties match with certain stations, servers, bussers, and leads.  This requires an insane amount of "managerial skills" just because as the assigner you are the one that sets the ball up for the rest of the team to catch.  And how you set it up right means making sure to have the most winning combination all around for what station, party size, server, and busser is chosen.

For instance, in my restaurant, we had eight "stations".  For those not in the food and beverage business, this means that the layout of the restaurant was broken down into eight sections.  Each section had six tables.  Some of these tables were "four-tops" and some were "six-tops" (meaning a four-person or six-person table).  Each server was assigned to one station and (usually) there was one busser for every two (paired) stations.

In theory, when you check in, the way your table is determined is by "Rotation".  This means that the names of the servers get put onto a list.  Usually whichever server opened will be first, then it goes down the line by seniority (with some exceptions, etc).  Each section the server is assigned is also on a rotation (mixed with seniority if you or another server didn't work the previous day).  So for instance, if Steve opened he would be first in Rotation.  If his station was station three (because he worked the day before in station four), and you were the first party to check in, I would assign you to sit at station three and Steve would be your server.  Then the next server would be Mitz, and she would be in station T1, and you're the second party to check in, and so on.  Each table counts as one rotation (so for instance if you were a party of four that took one table you counted as one "Rotation" whereas if you were a party of 10 that took up two tables, you counted as two "Rotations"), and once you were assigned your respective table(s), your turn was up, and the next server in line got the next party.  Easy peasy, right? Wrong.

For one thing, True Rotation is a horrible thing to do.  In theory it makes sense, but in reality, it makes everything backed up and impossible.  For instance, if it was Ellen's turn to receive a party of four, but she had no open tables, then she would be skipped.  But if her tables "camp out" (stay for an extended period of time) and she gets "backed up", or skipped, for several more rotations then she falls behind and it's not fair to her.  Then, if all of her tables leave and get cleaned at the same time, her station will become "slammed" (as in we seat her more than one party at the simultaneously) in an effort to "catch her up" to her proper place in True Rotation.  This becomes a problem for her because now she has to take care of multiple parties at the same time, which may impact her ability to be a quality server.  Additionally, it affects the busser because then he will become "slammed" by having to clean six tables all at the same time, and we become "backed up" as hosts, unable to seat Ellen until her tables are clean.  And then rinse and repeat.

Additionally, because of this, what ends up happening is that a true "Rotation" looks like the hosts are being unfair to servers.  For instance, if you have a party of 20 at 7:00am and another party of 20 at 9:00am the easiest thing to do would be to give the same server both parties.  The tables are already set up to accommodate them, they'll all be cleaned at the same time, and most likely due to how people check in (and your available tables), that server is honestly your best option for getting the guests in on time.  Moreover, the server that had the party of 20 at 7:00am most likely fell behind in Rotation because you were unable to seat more of their tables (since they were all being used by the party of 20), so it's still fair to them to seat them the next party of 20 to "catch them up".

Moreover, each station was not made "equally".  Although each section had six tables, the amount of people you could reasonably fit in each station varied drastically.  If any of my servers, bussers, or fellow hosts paid enough attention to how I assigned over the years it pretty much always followed the same pattern: Station 3 and T3 were my "small party" stations.  At most I'd give them parties of 8-12 because of the types of tables these sections had, and the layout of the station (plus there was a huge pillar in the middle of them).  Stations T1 and T2 were traditionally my "big party" stations (any combination of 10-30+ party size).  Stations T4 and 4 were also very similar (parties of 10-20 were preferred here).  And stations 2 and 5 were a "mix and match" station (either lots of small parties of parties or small and large parties around 8-16 people [in station 2] and 14-18 people [in station 5]).

However, this also varied according to the server-busser combination.  If I had a busser who was slower at cleaning tables than another I took that factor into major consideration.  I got extremely familiar with which servers were which busser's favourites (and vis versa), and as a result became knowledgeable in which "combo" was my fastest "turn around" station (the amount of time from when a party was seated to when they leave and the table is clean and ready to go for the next party).  If I had a party of 20 that would equally fit on T4 or 4 I would usually look at the busser to determine who would "get" the party.  If it was a fast busser, I knew he could handle it and usually gave them the larger party.  By "handle it" I not only mean offering support to the server by clearing dishes, etc. ("pre bussing") but also for how fast he could get the tables ready after they left (as previously stated, large parties use a lot of tables).  If it was a slow busser, I took this into consideration (would I need those tables immediately after the party left? Could I work with fewer tables for a while, etc.), but I usually ended up giving the slower bussers the smaller tables to clean so they would be more staggered in when the guests got up and left, and as a result I would have more tables to work with.

Not only all of this, but it also depended on who the server was.  Some servers were better at turning their tables faster while others let their guests stay for as long as they wanted.  Of course this also depends on the guest, but in general, you could usually count on the same servers to be either fast or slow.  In the same fashion, you began to figure out which servers handled lots of small parties better or one large party.  You also got to know which size parties servers preferred, and what time they preferred them at.

For instance, some large parties would have a reservation time less than an hour before we closed.  In that case, I knew which servers would be willing to stick around and which ones weren't.  Again, the choice of the server to serve their station (or be "cut", as in the server would stop taking any new tables so they could close our their cheques and go home) was a huge factor in why pure Rotation is a bad idea.  If there is a server unwilling to take (or at least will complain heartily about taking) the last table of the day, but it's their turn in Rotation and they aren't "cut", then a huge problem occurs as the assigner and it becomes the latest "work place drama".

So what did I learn to troubleshoot all of this? Essentially to pre-assign tables.  What this means is that at the beginning of the day before we opened I would look at the breakdown and choose which large parties went to which section/server.

Again, it goes back to the "breakdown" and "pre-assigning" being a "guideline" more than something hard and fast (because of the previously mentioned problem of guests changing their party size), but it's super helpful.  For one, it makes sure everything is incredibly fair.  You know which sections hold which party sizes best.  Assigning a section to a large party before you start for the day allows you to make sure to save the appropriate tables (and not over or under save tables for reservations).  For another, it allows you to be judicious in giving servers an equal amount of large parties (for instance, I always tried to make sure each server got at least one "big" party.  If it was on the smaller end like an 8 or a 9 I usually tried to give those servers two of these sized parties, while servers who got 12+ people usually only got one party that size for the shift).  Finally, it allows you to manage your server and busser personalities/combinations better (for instance, I always tried to give one server larger parties in the morning because I knew they would complain about not getting a large party otherwise, but also refused to take a large party late in the shift, or I would try to give another server the larger parties during the "busy" hour of the day because I knew they did better with one large party versus six smaller ones, etc).

And then? After conquering all these obstacles with a lot of sweat, tears, and "opinions/requests" (aka complaints from both guests about wait times, servers about parties/Rotation, and bussers about servers)? We would close for the day and I would complain about the host side work of cleaning high chairs (I will forever be triggered into feeling a sense of dread whenever I see one - it was always the one thing standing between me and going home).

(End of technicalities.  Read on, folks!)

And thus, over the course of two years, I learned how to be a good host - and a better team player and friend through this job.  I began to associate Disneyland with hard work, getting to interact with a LOT of people (and entitlement to varying degrees - yay customer service), and a sense of intrinsic satisfaction for a job well done (on good days) or a sense of frustration and a loss of faith in humanity (on bad days).  But even better, I also began to associate Disney with some of my favourite people.  Disney is the first place I learned how co-workers can become family.

I think the real turning point for me in realising all I had learned and grown during my time at the restaurant (and how much I loved the people I worked with) was when Ike visited a few weeks ago.  He couldn't believe how "popular" I was with both front and back of house.  But most importantly, how loved and supported I was by my PCH family - and he told me so.

I am proud to say that I was the "first work friend" of a lot of people who were hired on as hosts after me (like for Daniela, who eventually "abandoned" me to work back of house).  But more importantly, I can not emphasize enough how much kindness and respect I was the blessed recipient of over the two years I worked at the PCH Grill.

Aimee was always up for a laugh and a game to whittle away the boredom of working nights.  Yoshi gave me a cactus when he heard my old one had died (although I think that was out of a sense of humour more than anything else).  Eric and I had great conversations about literature and philosophy in between cleaning tables (and cleaning high chairs).  Lisa always tried to work with my schedule and let me leave early if I had school or other job conflicts.  JJ helped get me the day off when I had important personal conflicts with work.  Peter was the first person to call me "miha" and make me feel like I belonged at work.  Ellen gave me a wonderful David Bowie bag (which I use almost every day) because she thought of me when she saw it.  Robin bought me a salad when she found out I felt ill after living on nothing but a diet of ramen for a week.  Steve was the first friendly face I connected with and server to know who I was rather than "That New Host?".  And Bianca, Monica, and Cecy became my first true "work besties" that I've ever had and taught me the value of friendship at work (and beyond).

These are just a few of a very very VERY long list of acts of kindness, thoughtfulness, camaraderie, and sense of family I experienced every day at work from all of my amazing coworkers (I'm sorry if I didn't mention you by name! But seriously each and every one of you was in my thoughts when I was writing this, and I realised I had to stop at some point - Jasmine, Kim, Mitz, Brian, Will, Daniel, Stephen, Brenda, Kevin, Tammy, Mark, James, Joey, Tiff, Robert, Helen, Trina, Crystal, Jamie, Carla, Kristina, Mandy, Caine, Jonathan, Natalie, Jim, Christina, Christian.... I literally can't list all of you and the excellent memories and laughs I have with all of you).

Don't get me wrong.  There were days where I wanted to punch some of my fellow PCHers in the face (and many many time I just wanted to leave work out of sheer exhaustion from dealing with my beloved drama llamas).  But just like family, the times I got frustrated or upset with them often just faded away after the shift.  After all, at the end of the day we all have difficult jobs, and personalities can clash, and the next day we get to do it all over again - fresh and ready for the challenges ahead.

I still can't believe how incredibly blessed I am to no longer associate Disney with being the "Happiest Place on Earth", a place where "Dreams Come True" and a certain mouse like most guests.  Instead, I will always think of my first work family who may not have made Disney the "Happiest Place on Earth" so much as the "Most Cynical and Sarcastic Place on Earth" (you guys understand my soul).  Not to mention being the place where I could be myself (sarcastic, no-nonsense, and in posession of a good sense of humour) and learn so much more about leadership, management, and how to be a good coworker and friend.

Although I will say that my time at the PCH Grill was truly a place where, after I announced I wanted to move, everyone helped, supported, and encouraged me to make my own "Dreams Come True" (also, thanks guys for teaching me all about Mexican food, culture, and swear words).

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Life Highlights: Busy Day

Manar's new digs are in Eagle Rock!
Not that interested in writing a long thing tonight.  Went to my penultimate last day of work at Disney, took a two hour nap, re-packed my suitcase for the eleventh time, sold my air conditioner, had a melt-down (hanger is a thing), ate some good chicken tikka masala, packed Manar's things into our cars, went to move them to her new house, and came back to wait for the guy to whom she sold her bed frame.

Her new place is really cute, really nice, and really safe! I'm so happy for her and excited for her new adventure (even though we're also [for now] closing the chapter on our lives where we have roomed together for six-odd years).

Tomorrow is my last day at my best ever college job before we (as a family) are going to our last (free) family Disney day! Then Manar's friends are coming over to help her move the last of the big items over to her new place in Eagle Rock.  So a long (but fun and productive and bittersweet) day ahead! I can't believe this time next week I'll be living in New York.  It seems so unreal.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Life Highlights: My 23and Me Results


Got my test results in today! Not that exciting (nothing life-altering here!), but still interesting! According to the website I am 92% Chinese, 6.4% Southeast Asian, and 1.6% Broadly East Asian & Native American.  Most likely, I had a parent or grandparent born between 1940-1970 that was 100% Chinese and a second great-grandparent, third great-grandparent, fourth great-grandparent, or fifth great-grandparent who was 100% Southeast Asian born between 1790 and 1880.

Although when we switched the "confidence" level of my results to 90% it changed the fractions to be 33.7% East Asian (30.8% Chinese and 2.9% Broadly East Asian) and 66.2% Broadly East Asian & Native American.  Apparently, this type of confidence level means that these percentages are more likely to be true, whereas the first fractions are "speculative".  This is because they're assuming and extrapolating from my DNA (like 92% Chinese) whereas the latter results leave more room for variables (Definitely 30.8% Chinese, with a lot of other Asian DNA).

Moreover, I'm part of the  Haplogroup F group, which the website says is, "particularly common in populations of Hmong-Mien speakers, one of the major language families in East Asia. This group includes the Lahu, Hmong, Lao, and Mien of southern China and Southeast Asia. Many of these groups are considered ethnic minorities in their countries, including in China, Vietnam, and Thailand."  Additionally, the report includes this interesting tidbit, "During the Vietnam War, from 1953 to 1975, the United States Central Intelligence Agency recruited many of the Hmong, Lao, Mien, and Lahu to fight for American interests in Laos against the North Vietnamese and the Pathet Lao. When the North Vietnamese and Pathet Lao gained control of the region, members of the ethnic groups recruited by the US were targeted, forcing many of the Hmong-Mien to flee the country. Many refugees resettled in the United States, especially in California and along the western seaboard."

So I'm pretty unsurprised, although I'm a little disappointed that I'm not British or Japanese (both obviously because of Bowie).  I definitely don't feel like these results have been LIFE CHANGING or anything like that, but I am happy to know a little more about where I'm from.  And the fact that I probably have Native American and Vietnamese DNA is also interesting.

More interesting to me was actually the characteristics, wellness, and genetic disease reports.  I am more likely to prefer salty to sweet things (true), less likely to consume caffeine (true), and more predisposed to weigh less than the average person (true).  Most importantly to me was that I have a slightly increased risk of getting Late-Onset Alzheimer's Disease.  According to the report, I have 1 variable detected, although it also says that this only increases my risk by like 1%,

So, all in all, I'm really happy that our family decided to do this.  It brought us all a little closer together (even though we don't share any DNA).  And I'm really happy to have a little more genetic information about both my ancestry and my health.  Next step? Figure out what my blood type is (still don't know).

Life Highlights: Last Day at the Theatre and Work Flow


Said good-bye to the theatre friends today.  It was definitely sad and easily one of the best work environments I've ever been in.  However, instead on dwelling on sadness, I wanted to contemplate different types of thought and workflow.  Specifically outlined in a task we were assigned to do today:

We had to fill envelopes with patron's tickets to get ready to send them out.  The following were the instructions and variables for how to fill them:

We had a stack of tickets that had to go in envelopes.  The tickets were printed with 1 header that had the patron's address with the appropriate number of tickets the patron bought underneath it (a range of numbers from 1 to 16+).  Then behind those tickets were the next patron's header and tickets, and so on.

We had to place the header in the large envelope with a plastic front pouch.  The header (address side forward) slid into the plastic pouch so that the envelope was addressed.  While the tickets had to be placed in a smaller ticket envelope (right side up).  This ticket envelope went inside the larger envelope.

We also had to place a single leaflet which included our sponsor's advertisements and another leaflet that had our updated exchange policy.  Each of these was only printed on one side, with the other side left blank.

The order we had to place everything in the envelope (so that when you opened the envelope this was the first thing you saw) was: Exchange policy (face front), sponsor advertisement (face front), and ticket envelope with tickets inside it.  We were not required to seal or stamp the envelopes.

So with these instructions, these were the basic elements:
1) Large envelope with plastic pouch front
2) Smaller ticket envelope
3) 1 header with patron address
4) Patron's ticket(s)
5) Sponsor leaflet
6) Exchange policy leaflet

Each of us had stacks of at least a hundred different patron orders.  So my question is: how would you set up your work station to package these envelopes?

Some of my co-workers set it up in a semi-circle around them, all of the pieces face-up.  The tickets were to the left, the leaflets were towards the top of the semi-circle, and the envelopes were to the right.  They started by stuffing all of the envelopes with the leaflets (both of them) before then going back and stuffing the small ticket envelopes and large envelope with both header and small ticket envelope.

Whereas I laid out my work station in a line.  My stack of tickets in the far left, then the small ticket envelopes oriented upside down (so that with the motion, the "flip" would put the tickets in without having to rotate the envelope to the lettering right side up), then the sponsor leaflets upside down, then the exchange policy leaflets facing left (so that in one motion I could gather both together facing the correct way up), and finally the large envelope to assemble the whole package.

It was super interesting to consider how we were all assigned the same task, but we all tackled it a different way.  The funniest thing to me was that when I told my mom this later and presented the scenario to her, she described an identical work set up to mine (rotated orientations included).  She posited that ours was the "most efficient" way because we wouldn't have to go back and re-"touch" an envelope to assemble the entire thing.  And we both agreed it would be interesting to do a timed experiment, with reasoning for why each person set up their work station in their own personalized way.  I think it could be the newest "personality" test.



Saturday, August 26, 2017

Life Highlights: Last Douglass Hurrah



Today was a flurry of errands (packing, laundry, and grocery shopping) so that I could get everything ready for my last long work day of the summer tomorrow (and last day at the theatre!). But of course the real reward was that tonight was my last Douglass hang out for a while.

It was game night at Jacob's house out in Foothill Ranch, and it was a great time for Douglass community.

First we met up at In-And-Out for dinner (naturally I got the grilled cheese), and we were able to catch up. We also talked about the new Douglass group, and our well wishes for them.

Then we went to Jacob's where we played Cards Against Humanity (I won, Liz lost), Codename (where I was a team captain for Tim and Kevin, and Joel was team captain for Jacob and Liz - my team won the first round, then Joel's team won), Mexican Train (Tim won and I lost), Wii Resort (a hodgepodge of games - in Bowling Joel won, then Jacob, and Tim and Kevin and Liz and I tied, Jet Ski I definitely lost, then Dogfighting we all took turns and I lost to Tim [But only just]), and then Coup (Tim won the first round then Liz).

A fantastic night of Christian friendship that was the perfect last hurrah (for a little while). I'll really miss all of these lovelies across the country, but I also made sure they knew they'll always have a place to stay in New York.

Friday, August 25, 2017

Life Highlights: Good Day (and Advice)

Photo collage of my favourites (clockwise from left): Anna and me at Disneyland this summer, Alex and me at the Getty last year, Dr. Wright and me at Torrey graduation this past May.
Today (amidst the stress of moving and my car currently being in the shop), I had a much needed day of rest and catching up with three of my favourite people.  It was by far one of my favourite and best days in a long time (conversing with my favourite people for hours about my favourite subjects).

Firstly I had a morning cup with Dr. Wright.  We talked about his trip (and my past trips) to England, our favourite sights (predominately associated with Churchill), my move to New York, my "journey of self discovery", my thoughts about contemporary and classical art and architecture, this blog, the new school term, the Torrey books he was leading on, and our enjoyment about following each other on Twitter.  Unfortunately we weren't able to talk about Confederate Monuments (and the controversy therein), but we were able to talk about good advice.

In particular two pieces of advice which I had taken to heart.  The first being his extremely helpful critiques about writing.  When I was trying to write my argument about art on here a few weeks ago, I realised my entire argument was trying to tackle too many pieces at once.  I could hear his editing in the back of my mind, telling me to outline the argument and go back to the Torrey paper proposal outlines he had me do.  So I decided to outline my argument, and unsurprisingly I was able to write an even better, clearer piece which I ended up posting.

The second piece of advice was what he told me three years ago, about how you're never ready to do something until you "just do it".  I remember thinking that it was terrible advice that I didn't understand at the time.  How could you never be ready to do anything? And how could adults just go ahead and jump into things they didn't feel prepared for? Now, of course, I understand what Dr. Wright was really saying.

A few weeks ago I found out one of my nephews is interested in moving to New York.  I reached out to him on Facebook, and we chatted about his decision to move and some of his hopes, dreams, and fears associated with something like relocating across the country.  He brought to me two main concerns: 1) That he didn't have enough money 2) That he was going in blind - he has never been to New York, doesn't know how to start his career, and doesn't know anyone there.  My response? I told him that:

1. You will never have enough money. I know this is a huge problem for a lot of people, but taking the time to research how much things cost (rather than just hearing "it's expensive") helps a lot. It means that you can actually sit down and budget how much money you could reasonably save.

I have a lot of friends who save and save, but they never feel like they have enough to comfortably survive and take The Plunge. The truth is, you never will (and that's kind of the point). After two years I have saved enough money to, I believe, reasonably live unemployed in New York for 5 months during which time I hope to work in the media industry. But if not, I have no problem (like yourself I'm sure) waiting tables in restaurants while I keep working towards my dreams.

And 2. I've only visited New York twice. Once for two days (very briefly, and stuck in a hotel room the entire time), and another time to play tourist for five days. So I'm no expert on the city. It's been a huge exercise in learning how to research and trust other people who are much more qualified than myself about the city.

The problem with all of the arts industries, of course, is that it's extremely difficult to become employed (or even know what jobs there are) unless you move to the city you want to work in. And for a field as diverse and ever changing as the arts, there is no linear path to follow. It's one of the best and worst parts of the trade.

I definitely don't have all the answers. And I'm scared as hell that I'm going to be throwing away my life savings for moving across the country to live with a stranger, never find a job, and be completely alone. But so far I've had nothing but encouragement from friends, family, and even strangers who are all excited for me and want to help me out. If nothing else, my move has shown me how much kindness there still is in the world.

So I think it's a good thing to be cautious and practical with your two points - it means you're serious about moving and setting goals to achieve what you want. But also don't forget that you will never feel as prepared or ready as you want to. I certainly don't and I'm moving in less than a month!

Here, I look to David Bowie: "If you feel safe in the area you're working in, you're not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you're capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth. And when you don't feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you're just about in the right place to do something exciting."

After giving him this advice, I felt like I finally understood what Dr. Wright had told me so many years ago.  You never feel ready, and when you're out of your depth, you're in the right place for God to do some amazing things (reminding me of the story of Abraham who had no idea what he was doing wandering out in the desert).  As always, it was really nice to see him again, but his particular type of mentorship, wisdom, and friendship was especially welcome right before my big move.

Then I got to see Anna for lunch.  We went to Tokyo Town to get sushi, ramen, and Teriyaki chicken (all delicious).  Of course when we saw each other we started talking about art and television, our summers back home, her role as a seer, what our hopes and dreams were for the future year, what advice or opinions we had about all the things discussed, our goals moving forward in the media industry, our current projects, and our experiences and love of making films.  Currently on my list to watch is "My Own Private Idaho" and go back to watch "Back to the Future".  I also found out Anna likes "Quantum Leap" and we generally talked about our shared love of sci-fi and the logistics of time travel (in art).  I recommended to her two of my favourite shows - "Strange Days at Blake Holsey High" and "Pushing Daisies".  And of course Bowie made the cut for lots and lots of (one-sided) conversation.

What I particularly love about Anna is the element of female mentorship our friendship has.  Although I'm older than her, I feel like every time we get together I learn something new and get a fresh set of eyes on a situation.  She's definitely one of my favourite people, and I wish that I got to know her sooner! The level of honesty and vulnerability we have with each other about our careers, our failures, and our lives is something I find extremely rare and refreshing to have in a friend.

And finally I got to see Alex for dinner at his new house.  He made some delicious fried rice (he's always been one of my favourite cooks), and we were able to catch up about all sorts of things.  Of course I talked about watching the solar eclipse, moving to New York, and all the mundane things in between, while he told me about his summer and his new job.  I'm so excited he's working at a gallery in Santa Ana - it's not just a "job for money because I gotta do something", but a job that he was telling me he could see himself staying at for a few years, cultivating skills in his chosen profession.

Of course, like most of the time when we talk, the conversation turned to philosophical perspectives on art, and art in general.  Like my debate with Ike on the role of artist and audience in art, the frustration I had with Lazarus reviews, and the shared admiration we have for Agnes Martin.  In particular, I told Alex about how one of the best things his friendship has given me is an appreciation for modern art.  Without him, my enjoyment and love of contemporary pieces would remain dormant and undiscovered (which would be a real shame!).  I also conveyed to him how I use his metaphor about contemporary art being an artist who is exercising all of their tools all the time to people who only like classical art.  I also shared the names of Toba Khedoori and Henry Moore as some of my favourite contemporary artists (along with the Blue Four's Wassily Kandinsky and Paul Klee).  Khedoori's "(Untitlted) Doors" and Moore's "Family Group" are two of my all time favourite pieces.

But my favourite thing about Alex is the fantastic advice he always gives.  He's a great listener, and understands my need for space and prior knowledge of a social situation (he's always been considerate of both).  And we were talking about friendship.  I was telling him about how I was afraid that I will not make any friends in New York before we started talking about long distance friendship.  I told him that I believe people cross paths again and again more than you think or anticipate.

In particular, in my long distance friendships with Todd and Annaliese I have found that we continue to "look for excuses" to be together.  A friend's birthday or a graduation can be the perfect "excuse" needed to do what you wanted to do anyways and visit a friend and maintain that connection.  I also talked with him about how in long distance friendships two dynamics that shift were that 1) I became more intentional with the time I spent with them and 2) That we were able to still fall back into old patterns of hanging out and speaking that didn't feel awkward or strange.

He reminded me that even though I was moving, and I was grieving for the fact I wouldn't be near my college friends every day, that I was not, in fact, "loosing" anything.  I was changing something.  He told me that change like a move is always scary because (and I quote), "You can experience loss, but you didn't loose something".

And in parting, he shared with me an absolutely beautiful poem by Naomi Shihab Nye.  My favourite stanza was the one which starts with, "It's not that you don't love them anymore".  An intense, powerful, intimate piece which I know I'll be meditating on as I move and after.  Trust Alex to always find excellent art.  It's called "The Art of Disappearing", which I will quote in full below as my own parting words to this post:
When they say Don't I know you?
say no.

When they invite you to the party
remember what parties are like
before answering.
Someone telling you in a loud voice
they once wrote a poem.
Greasy sausage balls on a paper plate.
Then reply.

If they say We should get together
say why?

It's not that you don't love them anymore.
You're trying to remember something
too important to forget.
Trees. The monastery bell at twilight.
Tell them you have a new project.
It will never be finished.

When someone recognizes you in a grocery store
nod briefly and become a cabbage.
When someone you haven't seen in ten years
appears at the door,
don't start singing him all your new songs.
You will never catch up.

Walk around feeling like a leaf.
Know you could tumble any second.
Then decide what to do with your time.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Life Highlights: Oregon Sweet Oregon

View from the plane flying back to Los Angeles
Had a fantastic time going back home for a whirlwind of three days.  I got to experience a once in a lifetime celestial event with my mom and best friends, and I was able to visit with my grandparents before I left.

It was a great time of relaxation and mental health restoration.  I was able to catch up with Todd and Annaliese, which was amazing.  I remember four years ago worrying that we wouldn't stay friends and that as high school ended we would forget to keep in touch.  We certainly don't talk to each other every day, and we still live in separate states, but it seems like all my fears have been unfounded.  I've ended up seeing both of them at least once a year, and through all the ups and downs of college (and post-college) life, seeing them is like no time has passed.  Nothing is really awkward, and when we "catch up" it's as if we saw each other the day before.  There are few friends like that in life, and I'm very happy to say that they are two of mine.

I also got to see my grandparents for dinner and talk with them about what's going on in my life (including this blog!).  I had a really great time seeing them, especially since I don't know the next time I'll see them after moving across the country (and I don't think I'll be able to go to Oregon for Christmas this year).  It definitely made me nostalgic for the time when I lived in the same town with them (the only one of the grandchildren to do so).

And of course being back at my childhood home (even just for one night) was extremely restorative for my peace of mind.  Before when I've slept in my childhood bed, I've felt really weird about it at first.  I'm not eighteen anymore, and the type of person I am has changed from what is held in the time-capsule-turned-storage-room-bedroom.  And I felt a bit like a foreigner attempting to get comfortable in an environment that used to be familiar.  But this time instead of feeling a bit foreign coming back I felt completely at home again.  Most likely this is all thanks to my awesome mom, who's really kept the homestead alive and well with love (and lots and lots of animals).  And obviously, it was great to see her too, but I'm also seeing her in just three short days (since she's being kind enough to help Manar and me move), so I didn't feel like I "had to miss her" just yet.

So even though I'm leaving California (and my college life here) in just a few days, and I've been lamenting a lot about that, there's no doubt that Oregon is also associated with a sense of true home that I'll surely miss just as much in New York.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Wardrobe of Moral Imagination: "How to Train Your Dragon" Addition


Today I finished a series that I started when I was ten years old: "How to Train Your Dragon". At first it's a weird choice of a book series to follow after 11 years (the only comparable book I have to that kind of loyalty is Harry Potter), but honestly these books are something special.

I don't recommend starting with them if you're an adult and you immediately dismiss them as "for kids" because of the amount of pictures, fart jokes, and general silliness that happens in the books. It's a series clearly meant for children, but if you can look past the dressings the books are actually quite good. The amount of nostalgia and respect I have for them is quite high (it would have to be to stick with them for so long). I own every copy (except for book 4, which was actually one of my favourites), and through it all I've gained an appreciation in gauging my own "level" of readership.

When I first started the series I found the book "How to Be a Pirate" in Mrs. Daniels' class. I thought it was extremely funny, and I quickly devoured the other two books which were released at the time. However, since growing up I have a new appreciation for the series and children's books in general. I have been swept up in Hiccup's adventures as a child and adult. And as an adult, I can happily say the ultimate framework of the story is solid moral work. It's a work which contains messages about love, friendship, reconciliation, and what it really means to be a hero.

The fantasy is not unlike Tolkien's great works about a by-gone age where dragons existed before humans took over as leaders of the age (it also mimics Tolkien in that both books pretend to be a true historical account). But "How to Train Your Dragon" is masked under absurdist characters and situations unlike "Lord of the Rings".

I am happy to say the 12th and final instalment had an enormous payoff that I had been waiting for over a decade (and it didn't disappoint). Just like any great work, the underlying moral message was powerful, true, and reinforced by the narrative's twists and turns. It adhered to all the western rules of fantasy and logic that work to forward a message of love, with childlike humour and whimsical narrative to dress it up.

(It is also worth noting here that I love the films as well [although they are extremely different from the books], which is an unusual occurrence for me since I normally maintain that the books are better.)

Thus the series (whether in print or on screen) has always held a special place in my "favourite works list". Whenever I went to a bookshop I always made sure to go to the children's section to see if another instalment of Hiccup's adventures was in - excited to see if I would once again be swept up in the antics of the unlikely Hero of the Hairy Hooligan Tribe. And now it's over. There's a second great feeling of nostalgia and loss of childhood I had today after finishing the novel which perfectly coincided with my trip back home to Oregon (before I take the leap and officially move to New York), so my feelings were definitely all over the place. But I'm happy to have a definite sense of beginning and end, (which mirrors one of the big themes of the last book and work as a whole), wrapped up in hope for Tomorrow.

5 stars. A must read series for young and old. Also, if you're into audio books, David Tennant narrates this one. How can you not want to read it?

Life Highlights: Solar Eclipse

Eclipse madness today! I was blessed enough to be in Salem, Oregon with my mom and two best friends when it happened  (a site of total solar eclipse coverage) and honestly it was extremely surreal. All the hype didn't compare to how awe inspiring and incredible the sight actually was. I have no idea what places with partial (even 90% coverage) looked like, but TOTALITY was incredible.

I hope to never forget the sheer wonder I felt in the moment - it was totally disorienting and humbling to consider the power of the cosmos. The context clues of shadows were all wrong and it was actually unsettling (evening lighting coming from the wrong part of the sky), and the air felt colder. What I did not expect was how just a little bit of sunlight (even a 1% sliver) really made a difference. It wasn't dark until 100% coverage happened.

My mom pointed out how darkness (little by little) can cover up the light but we don't realise it until it's totally overtaken (or have special glasses to help us see it). But at the same time, even 1% of the sun that wasn't covered by the moon made a huge difference and lit up the world. Scientifically and philosophically mind blowing for sure. Here are some pictures to celebrate:

Solar Eclipse Shenanigans

I always try to steal the spotlight (in an eclipse and in our friendship)

#blessup
Catching the last vestiges of the eclipse

Monday, August 21, 2017

Life Highlights: Made it Home!

Reunited with the fav
Went back home to Oregon today! Officially it's to see all my friends and family back home before moving across the country. But unofficially it's to see the solar eclipse!

I've been up for 20 straight hours after travelling and catching up with friends and family so I'll write more at a later date!

Annaliese's Snapchat Game is Strong

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Life Highlights: Manar's 23 and Me Results


Today was an exciting day in the Herbert-Jarban household! Manar got her 23 and Me results back tonight and I got to video her reaction to them!

Our mom got her results a few weeks ago - 100% European with little surprises (for her), so she was a tad disappointed in hers (no surprises there!).  But she was awesome and also bought us kits too! Definitely one of the best gifts we've ever gotten - learning more about ourselves!

We found out that she's 94% African and only 2% Middle Eastern! This blew her (and my) mind since she was born and raised in Yemen.  The funniest thing to me was that she is also 0.1% European, which made me think 0 who's the odd one out that's the pasty person?

I'm in awe that technology has allowed us to be able to help us discover more about our bloodlines and ancestry.  It's definitely interesting and exciting for our little family, since none of us are related by blood, to experience a whole new part of our identity.  Manar's currently in a tizzy with the information - according to her, her whole life has been a lie.  Which really, although you can choose to place your identity in many things, blood really is something you can't escape.  I know that for myself, being adopted, I never really took much stock in it (Biblically, I always related more to the spiritual adoption passages in the New Testament rather than the bloodlines in the Old Testament), so this is a whole new territory for me (and Manar) to explore!

I'm still waiting for my results even though we sent them in at the same time, and when I said to Manar that I am hoping to be part Japanese and at least 1% British, she said to me, "God waited for your prayers so He could put your results in".  Sometimes she really has some good zingers. 

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Life Highlights: Impromptu Disney Day

Selfie on the Matterhorn where I'm pretty sure I got whiplash
Today I was supposed to go to Disneyland with Manar, but unfortunately, she couldn't attend at the last minute.  Yesterday I explained the situation to Ike and he said he might be able to go.  After a lot of last-minute "planning", everything fell together so that we could go today.

We left around 13:45 and finally got to the park around 14:30.  Aliza's friend Brandon came with us (along with Aliza herself, of course), and over all, it was an excellent day.  I always feel awkward when it comes to meeting new people, but our group of four was really fun and Brandon was incredibly lovely.

In five hours we were able to go to (in the following order): California Screamin, Guardians of the Galaxy, Grizzly River, (quick stop to eat some curry at the Paradise Pier), Matterhorn, and Pirates of the Caribbean.  All the wait times were pretty reasonable, and wandering around the park itself was super fun (as always).  We had a blast talking about all sorts of topics while wandering around both parks.

Are we cartoon characters?

We ended up staying until right before the Electrical Parade around 20:00.  I was extremely tired, and the ride also made Ike sleepy.  But before we went home, we ended up stopping by my work, and my manager asked if we wanted to come in to eat.  So we, of course, made a quick detour to get one last meal in before we left.

Which, honestly, this was the highlight of my entire day.  I was supposed to go to work this evening, but JJ helped me get an ADO so I could have one last "Disney Day" with Ike, Aliza, and Brandon.  Then when we visited the restaurant, everyone both front and back of house made sure to say hello, (with some good natured teasing - thanks, Cecy, Aimee, Joey, Kim, Yoshi, and everyone else).  And while we dined, Ike and Aliza were extremely impressed with the sheer amount of camaraderie they saw between me and my work-family.

It's not QUITE my last day at PCH, but today made me realise how much I really will miss everyone.  I really can't tell you how I love all of my co-workers, and I am truly sad to leave.  The fact that all of them tonight made my friends feel so welcome was just the icing on the cake to remind me how I'll never be able to find anyone else to "replace" them.  Disney for most people will always be associated with the "Happiest Place on Earth" and a certain Mouse.  But for me, it will always remind me of my crazy, drama llama, hilarious work-family, and I really wouldn't have it any other way.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Life Highlights: Downtown LA with Ike

From Ike's Snapchat at lunch - only selfie we took today, but I love it anyways (we don't have many silly photos together).
Today was one of my favourite days! Ike and I planned to hang out today on Sunday, but due to being so stressed from moving, I accidentally told him on Tuesday that I was available Wednesday.  He had the day cleared and planned for us when on Wednesday morning I realised what happened and I told him that I had cleared Thursday, not Wednesday to hang out.  After much guilt (and stress) everything worked out so that Ike could still come today (Praise the Lord!) and I'm very happy that we were able to spend the entire day together!

He picked me up from my place at 11am (and was punctual, which was impressive) before we headed into LA for a surprise "planned" trip.  First stop was Grand Central Market.  I hadn't eaten breakfast, so we got southern style BBQ which was amazing.  They even had Arnold Palmer there for $2.50 with free refills - and you could cut in line to fill back up! Excellent all the way around.

Sign right outside Grand Central that a ton of tourists were photographing.
Then we went off to Little Toyko to play at an arcade there.  Unfortunately, it was closed, but we ended up wandering around instead which was even better.  We explored an odd shop with a lot of products I didn't understand like "face massagers" made of plastic and weird sticky notes that had pictures of a "lamp", "clock", and "aeroplane" all grouped together.  (It must be Big in Japan).  It was super fun - Ike was particularly enamoured with the key swords they had there as well as the massive China balls (although they were of much cheaper quality than proper film Chinas).  We even stumbled upon the Japanese cultural centre which had two very needed things - public restrooms and a beautiful garden that was built in the1970s to celebrate Japanese Americans in Los Angeles.

On our way to Little Toyko, but we ended up wandering throughout Downtown to try and find it.

Ike posing at the cute garden we found - it was extremely beautiful and peaceful, but the effect was somewhat dimmed by the sirens just beyond the trees and the loud movement of city workers hauling equipment everywhere.

Afterwards, Ike suggested going to a museum.  I definitely agreed, and although he had originally planned on going to the Broad, we ended up deciding on going to MOCA.  Of course, by this time we had thoroughly wandered around Downtown.  We kept on walking until we realised that we had gone in a big loop back around to the Central Market.  Our GPS said that we had to go on 3rd street, but there was a tunnel blocking our way with no pedestrian crossing.  However, to the side of it were multiple flights of stairs.  It had already been one heck of a "leg day", so we decided to conquer the flights (and hill it was on) before we emerged in the California Plaza.  My favourite place in DTLA, Blue Cow Kitchen, is located here and I knew it was very close to MOCA.  However, I wasn't sure where it was so we stopped to ask a friendly security guard who not only told us directions but also pointed us to a place where we could get free ice cream.  Profusely thanking him, we decided to take advantage - particularly because earlier in the day Ike wanted to get dessert in Little Toyko, but I opted to wander towards MOCA instead.

The excellent free vanilla ice cream with complimentary chocolate sauce, gummy bears, and sprinkles.  It was excellent, and the guy serving it cracked jokes about having both normal ice cream and sugarless vegan ice cream to serve - obviously we went with normal ice cream.  A proper treat to our "Leg Day" stairs.
From there we ended up wandering down the street to MOCA, but changed our minds when we saw the admission price.  It wasn't that we weren't willing to pay, but we had looked at our watches and realised that we had until 6pm to leave our car at the parking lot.  So instead we chose to continue walking around DTLA - we had already walked around six miles by this point, and Ike was thrilled at having more opportunities to "download" the mental "map" of DTLA he was getting from walking around today.  He was astounded to realise that Public Library, MOCA, the Broad, Blue Cow, and the Disney Concert Hall were all right by each other.  We decided we wanted to explore the grounds of the Disney Concert Hall, so we walked up even more flights of stairs to do so.  And from the view Ike pointed out how driving around DTLA made it seem vast, but walking around made you realise how small it really is - the 5 could be seen from the top of the Concert Hall (although not pictured here) as well as all the places we had walked around.

View from the top of the Disney Concert Hall right down Grand
We also explored the ampitheatres and grounds of the Hall, which was super fun imitating making grand speeches and testing out the acoustics of the location - all the while still doing even more stairs.

Exploring the amphitheatres and the grounds around the concert hall.
Then we decided to head back to the car since we both weren't sure where we parked.  Luckily, Ike knew we were located somewhere on 6th street and his "new mental map" capabilities found it pretty quickly.  Then on the way back, we decided to get some lemonade in Whittier (which actually turned into Boba and a peachy iced drink).

Part of the gentrification we saw in Downtown we were walking back to the car.
Overall it was an excellent "last day" all day hang out with Ike.  We talked about everything, of course, like we always do from our favourite Spongebob episodes to taking the Proust Questionnaire together, from talking about what new projects we were working on to (of course) talking about Bowie and his "capital A" ART.

This is one of my all-time favourite things about our friendship - that we can pretty much pose any topic to the other person and we are both game to discuss and discover Truth together.  We also talked about what we learned/how we grew from our friendship, and I told Ike that above all he has taught me compromise and how to be a better listener.  He told me that I've helped him come to appreciate better music - which I was thoroughly chuffed with.

And of course, my favourite topic of conversion being Bowie, I was pleasantly surprised when Ike also told me about his moving experience listening to the song "Young Americans" on the radio.  He said he had no idea that a saxophone could be used in such a way and was terribly moved by the song.  Obviously, I was ecstatic that he was coming around to Bowie and I immediately gave him a surplus of information he definitely didn't ask for about the entire era and the song itself (as well as the meaning and sharing its poignant lyrics).  Additionally, I went on to supply him with a lot of other information about his "Let's Dance" era on the car ride back when the song came on.

Before this the only comment I got from Ike about Bowie was that growing up he'd play "Changes" on repeat and that he liked the song "(You Will) Set the World on Fire".  But today will forever remind me of "Young Americans" and our excellent day (I'm playing the album while writing).  This is definitely a much better memory for me to associate with the album since normally I think about how it was the album I was listening to when I got the news that Bowie died last year.

Although, speaking of that, I have weirdly found that "Young Americans" is now associated with two major periods of transition in my life.  The first, as previously mentioned, is that it was the album I listened to before and after getting the news that Bowie had died (I couldn't listen to the album again for months).  The second being today, as the album being the soundtrack for today.  It was the one under discussion during what will be the last proper hang out Ike and I will have for a while.  No longer just Ike and Jade (the Dynamic Duo) wandering around discussing everything and anything (like we did in Cambridge one time for a comparable time frame).  It certainly felt like the end of an era.

I was sad about the prospect yesterday, but as I told Ike today at lunch, I was determined not to let sadness prevail on our last proper day together.  I wanted to make good memories while I was still on this side of the country because I will have all the time to be sad later.  Not to mention the fact that, as I have often found, people come back into your life in more ways than you expect.  And I believe that today (officially) marked the good beginning of a new era/dynamic to both our friendship and working relationship that we have been working on since February.  It is one that is filled with mutual respect, admiration, and Christian love for the other - knowing that our friendship is going to be steadfast even across the country is something I have desperately prayed for, and today seemed to answer that question with a resounding yes.  So here's to the start of a new era and a great day.  I can't wait to see what's in store for us.

Life Highlights: Sh*t Happens

My snapchat with a room update today - this is my personal hell.

Packed and did laundry for three hours this morning before going straight to a super busy eleven-hour shift at work today.  So suffice it to say, I'm throughly exhausted.  And rather without anything super interesting or coherent to write about.  So instead, here are some bullet points about today:

  • You want family who will stick with you through shit.  And Manar literally did so today with me as I opened our front door to find actual faeces on our doorstep.  There was quite a bit of it, rather watery, and definitely looked like a human's.  Absolutely disgusting and it smelled so bad that it went through the front door to permeate our entire apartment.  Together we cleaned it up - if nothing else, this was a clear sign it's time for us to move out of our neighbourhood!
  • I officially finished taking down all of my posters, framed works, etc. and cleaned out all the drawers in my bed, wardrobe, and cabinet.  Now all that's left to do is clear out the common spaces and still figure out what I should donate and what I should keep.  I'm trying to be brutal, but clearly I'm a hoarder.  Mainly because I'm worried I'll need what I'm giving away after moving across the country, and as a result I'll have to buy a "new" one of whatever it was with my non-existent money.
  • I added another name to the "List of Inaccurate Names" I've been called over the phone with various patrons.  Now the count is up to the following: Jane, Jay, Jake, Judy, Faith, Dave, and now...Jan.  Could be worse - Jan is my grandma's name so that's not too bad.  By far my favourites have been Faith (when I repeated it and spelled it to the woman five different times before I just said "sure" - she even spelled it back to me after I said "J-A-D-E" and she replied with "F-A-I-T-H") and Dave (sure, I can be Daveeee-id Bowie).
  • I officially signed the roommate agreement for my apartment today! So now all I'm doing is waiting to hear back.  Everything looks great, fair and extremely reasonable.  I still can't believe what a steal I'm getting on the apartment.  I'm barely paying double for what I currently pay for rent in a prime, safe waterfront location in the middle of Manhattan.  I'm shook.
  • I just realised how little time I still have in California.  I felt so guilty - Ike thought we were supposed to hang out today and planned an outing for us because I confirmed that I didn't work today.  When in reality I actually worked today, but cleared tomorrow for him.  I never really mix-up dates (that's more Ike than me in our professional relationship) and I knew how difficult it was for him to clear everything.  Luckily he was able to make it so that we are still able to hang out tomorrow (Praise God!), but when trying to reschedule I realised that I really don't have that much time left in So Cal! Tomorrow I'll be with Ike, then Friday it's work and going to Disney with Manar before Saturday where I work both jobs.  Then next week I'll be in Oregon for three days before working both jobs Wednesday-Saturday (mixed with seeing Alex on Thursday and hanging out with my Douglass friends on Friday before picking up my mom from the airport on Saturday).  Then after that it's my last week in California as my mom and I help Manar move to her new place in Los Angeles (I'm so proud of her!) before I take off! And I still need to try to make time to see my brother, niece, and nephew, Anna, and Dr. Wright before I go! Too much to do with too little time I say!

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

David Bowie: A Political Playlist (For Any Occasion)

"All night I want the Young American"


Shameless plug today for my "The Next Day (After the Inauguration)" playlist.  The day after Trump's inauguration I had such a maelstrom of emotions from the reactions of my friends, family, and countrymen as well as to the event itself that I didn't know what to do or say.  Quoting Scripture would be the most obvious route, but after a ceremony which involved religious leaders from various faiths, I didn't feel like religious text was what I wanted to offer in the moment.  So instead I compiled one of my best playlists I've ever made (if I do say so myself) - 23 David Bowie songs all about politics, society, and the state of our messy world from a bunch of excellent eras.

Some are subtle, others not so much, but every song contains lyrics which I think contain keen observations about an era that's not so bygone as we'd like to believe.  All of these songs are shockingly relevant, even 47 years later (from some of the oldest ones).  My own sentiments on each song would give them away, and I believe the audience should work for their interpretation of the work so that the resultant understanding becomes more meaningful to them.  Therefore, all I will say is that the following selections are, to me, the most important statements from each song (and to remember that some works are actually being facetious, satirical, or using a character-device to get their true meaning across).  Below are some samples of what I believe to be key lyrics from each song:

1) "The Next Day" (2013)

"First they give you everything that you want/Then they take back everything that you have/They live upon their feet and they die upon their knees/They can work with satan while they dress like the saints/They know God exists for the devil told them so/They scream my name aloud down into the well below"

2) "Somebody Up There Likes Me" (1975)

"He's everybody's token, on everybody's wall/Blessing all the papers, thanking one and all/Hugging all the babies, kissing all the ladies/Knowing all that you think about, from writing on the wall"

"He's so divine,/His soul shines/Breaks the night,/Sleep tight/His ever loving face smiles,/On the whole human race/He says, I'm somebody/He's got his eye on your soul,/His hand on your heart/He says, don't hurry, baby/Somebody up there (somebody) likes me"

"He's a savage son of the TV tube/Planets wrote the day was due/All the wisest men around/Predicted that a man was found/Who looked a lot like you and me, yeah/Everyone with sense could see/Nothing left his eye unmoved, he/Had the plan, he had to use (somebody)"

"Was a way when we were young, that,/Any man was judged by what he'd done, but/Now you pick them on the screen (what they look like)/Where they've been/Keep your eye on your soul, and you hand on your heart/He says, don't hurry, baby/Somebody up there (somebody) likes me"

"Leaders come and all the people know/That given time, the leaders go/Tell me, can they hold you under their spell/Or can they walk and hold you as well as a/Smile like Valentino?/Could he sell you anything?"

3) "I'm Afraid of Americans" (1997)

"Johnny's in America, Johnny looks up at the stars,/Johnny combs his hair, and Johnny wants pussy in cars/Johnny's in America/Johnny's in America"

"I'm afraid of Americans,/I'm afraid of the world,/I'm afraid I can't help it,/I'm afraid I can't,/I'm afraid of Americans/God is an American"

4) "A Better Future" (2002)

"Please don’t tear this world asunder/Please take back this fear we’re under/I demand a better future/Or I might just stop wanting you/I might just stop wanting you"

"Please make sure we get tomorrow/All this pain and all the sorrow/I demand a better future/Or I might just stop needing you/I might just stop needing you"

"Give my children sunny smiles/Give them moon and cloudless skies/I demand a better future/Or I might just stop loving you, loving you, loving you"

"I might just stop wanting you/I might just stop needing you/I might just stop loving you/I demand a better future"

5) "Love is Lost" (2013)

"It's the darkest hour, you're twenty-two/The voice of youth, the hour of dread/It's the darkest hour, and your voice is new/Love is lost,/Lost is love"

6) "Dollar Days" (2016)

"We bitches tear our magazines, those oligarchs with foaming mouths come, now and then"

"Dollar days, survival sex, honour stretching tails to necks/I’m falling down/It’s nothing to me/It’s nothing to see"

"I’m dying to/Push their backs against the grain, and fool them all again and again/I’m trying to/It’s all gone wrong but on and on the bitter nerve ends never end, I’m falling down/Don’t believe for just one second I’m forgetting you, I’m trying to/I’m dying to"

7) "This is Not America" (1985)

"Little piece of you/A little peace in me/Will die/For this is not America"

"There was a time,/A wind that blew, so young/For this could be the biggest sky/And I could have the faintest idea/But this is not America"

8) "It's No Game (Part 1)" (1980)

"Silhouettes and shadows,/Watch the revolution,/No more,/Free steps to heaven,/It's no game/I am barred,/From the event,/I really don't understand,/The situation,/And it's no game"

"Documentaries on refugees,/Couples 'gainst the target,/You throw a rock against the road,/And it breaks into pieces/Draw the blinds on yesterday,/And it's all so much scarier,/Put a bullet in my brain,/And it makes all the papers/So where's the moral,/When people have their fingers broken,/To be insulted by these fascists,/It's so degrading,/And it's no game/Shut up!/Shut uuu-"

9) "Black Tie White Noise" (1992)

"Lit by the glare of an L.A. fire,/Black tie, white noise/I've got a face, not just my race,/Bang, bang,/I've got you babe"

"We reach out over race and hold each other's hands/Then die in the flames singing 'We shall overcome'/Whoa, what's going on?"

10) "Fantastic Voyage" (1979)

"In the event, that this fantastic voyage/Should turn to erosion, and we never get old/Remember it's true,/Dignity is valuable, but our lives are valuable too"

"We're learning to live with somebody's depression/And I don't want to live with somebody's depression/We'll get by,/I suppose, (it's a very modern world),/But nobody's perfect, (it's a moving world),/But that's no reason/Shoot some of those missiles, think of us as fatherless scum,/(It won't be forgotten),/'Cause we'll never say anything nice again, will we"

"And the wrong words make you listen, in this criminal world/Remember it's true,/Loyalty is valuable, but our lives are valuable too"

11) "Sweet Thing/Candidate/Sweet Thing (Reprise)" (1974)

"Boys,/Boys,/It’s a sweet thing, sweet thing/If you want it,/Boys,/Get it here, thing/'Cause hope,/Boys,/Is a cheap thing, cheap thing"

"I'll make you a deal,/Like any other candidate/We'll pretend we're walking home 'cause your future's at stake/My set is amazing, it even smells like a street/There's a bar at the end where I can meet you and your friend/Someone scrawled on the wall "I smell the blood of les tricoteuses"/Who wrote up scandals in other bars/I'm having so much fun with the poisonous people/Spreading rumors and lies and stories they made up/Some make you sing and some make you scream"

12) "Young Americans" (1975)

"All the way from Washington/Her bread-winner begs off the bathroom floor/We live for just these twenty years/Do we have to die for the fifty more"

"Do you remember, your President Nixon?/Do you remember, the bills you have to pay/Or even yesterday?"

"Have you have been an un-American/Just you and your idol singing falsetto, 'bout/Leather, leather everywhere, and/Not a myth left from the ghetto/Well, well, well, would you carry a razor/In case, just in case of depression?/Sit on your hands on a bus of survivors/Blushing at all the afro-sheeners/Ain't that close to love?/Well, ain't that poster love?/Well, it ain't that Barbie doll/Her heart's been broken just like you have"

"Ain't there a man, who can say no more?/And, ain't there a woman I can sock on the jaw?/And, ain't there a child I can hold without judging?/Ain't there a pen that will write before they die?/(All night)/Ain't you proud that you've still got faces?/Ain't there one damn song that can make me, break down and cry?"

13) "The Man Who Sold the World" (1970)

"We passed upon the stair,/We spoke of was and when/Although I wasn't there,/He said I was his friend/Which came as some surprise/I spoke into his eyes, I thought you died alone/A long long time ago"

"Oh no,/Not me/I never lost control/You're face, to face/With the man who sold the world"

14) "No Control" (1995)

"Stay away from the future/Back away from the light/It's all deranged - no control/Sit tight in your corner/Don't tell God/your plans/It's all deranged/No control"

"I should live my life on bended knee/If I can't control my destiny/You've gotta have a scheme/You've gotta have a plan/In the world of today, for tomorrow's man"

15) "Afraid" (2002)

"If I can smile a crooked smile/If I can talk on television/If I can walk an empty mile/Then I won't feel afraid No, I won't feel afraid/I won't feel, feel afraid/Anymore"

16) "Repetition" (1979)

"Well, Johnny is a man/And he's bigger than her/I guess the bruises won't show/If she wears long sleeves/But the space in her eyes/Shows through"

17) "Reality" (2003)

"I still don't remember how this happened/I still don't get the wherefores and the whys/I look for sense but I get next to nothing/Hey boy welcome to reality"

"I've been right and I've been wrong/Now I'm back where I started from/Never looked over reality's shoulder"

18) "Suffragette City" (1972)

"Oh don't lean on me man, 'cause you can't afford the ticket/I'm back on Suffragette City/Oh don't lean on me man 'cause you ain't got time to check it/You know my Suffragette City/Is outta sight/She's all right"

19) "Boys Keep Swinging" (1979)

"Heaven loves ya/The clouds part for ya/Nothing stands in your way/When you're a boy/Clothes always fit ya/Life is a pop of the cherry/When you're a boy/(When you're a boy)/You can wear a uniform/(When you're a boy)/Other boys check you out/(You get a girl)/These are your favorite things/(When you're a boy)"

20) "Telling Lies" (1997)

"Come straggling in your tattered remnants,/You come to me with tears and blame, I'm your future,/Ask tomorrow, I am the end"

"Telling lies/(Ooh ah visionary ooh ah visionary)/Telling lies/(Feels like something's gonna happen this year)"

21) "Fall Dog Bombs the Moon" (2003)

"Hope little girl/Come blow me away/I don't care much/I win anyway/Just a dog/And I'm God damn rich/An exploding man/When I talk in the night/There's oil on my hands/What a dog"

"There's always a moron/Someone to hate/A corporate tie/A wig and a date/Just a dog/These blackest of years/That have no sound/No shape, no depth/No underground/What a dog"

22) "It Ain't Easy" (1972)

"It ain't easy/It ain't easy/It ain't easy to get to heaven when you're going down"

"Well all the people have got their problems/That ain't nothing new/With the help of the good Lord/We can all pull on through/We can all pull on through"

23) "Where Are We Now?" (2013)

"Where are we now, Where are we now/The moment you know, you know, you know"

"As long as there's sun/As long as there's rain/As long as there's fire/As long as there's me/ As long as there's you"