Sunday, December 31, 2017

Current Contemplation: Goodbye 2017

"#2017bestnine" Instagram posts

Top 17 Life Events From 2017

1. Starting my internship at a music management company in West Hollywood
2. Planning the Douglass Retreat
3. Consuming art at Hauser & Wirth with Alex
4. Premiering my senior thesis
5. Graduating university
6. Vacationing with family and friends in southern California
7. Visiting Disneyland with Anna
8. Going hiking, to the Simon Norton, and downtown LA with Ike
9. Seeing the eclipse in Oregon
10. Leaving Disney
11. Moving to New York City
12. Meeting my new church family at cccnyc
13. Pilgrimaging to visit all of Bowie's favourite places in Manhattan
14. Getting hired at my first job in SoHo
15. Exploring New York with Manar for her birthday
16. Travelling back to Oregon to celebrate my grandpa's birthday and for an early Christmas with family and friends
17. Receiving two different job interview offers from Sony and HBO

Looking back on 2017, like we all do at the end of a year, has made me realise that the highlights of the year have indeed been extremely high, and how profoundly blessed I have been.

However, that being said, I have been thinking lately of how skewed our perceptions are of both ourselves and our lives both in and out of social media. Obviously our posts only show case our best moments, not our day-to-day existence, and even friends and family in the real world typically only get to hear tidbits of the mundane. Therefore, I tend to think that we believe ourselves and our lives not nearly as interesting as they truly seem to other people.

Thus, I think it's important to also show that the day-to-day of my life is, to me, quite boring most of the time and I, just like everyone else, long frequently for a break in the mundane routine of my existence.

Typical 2017 Day (Pre-Graduation):
Wake up/get ready for the day
Spend two hours in traffic going to Internship
Run errands/browse the Internet at internship
Spend another two hours in traffic going home
Go to the shop
Eat dinner/do laundry/browse the Internet
Plan for various commitments: ie film sets, film premieres, etc.
**variation on this theme would be on alternating days where I went to work instead of my internship

Typical 2017 Day (Post-Graduation):
Wake up/get ready for the day
Go to work (usually doubles at both Disney and the theatre)
Go to the shop/do laundry
Go home/sleep
**variation on this theme would be on the few days I had off in which I would try to do an activity or get dinner with a friend

Typical 2017 Day (Post-Move):
Wake up/get ready for the day
Go to work (previously: at the restaurant, now: if I have an assignment)
Go to the shop/do laundry
Go home/sleep
**variation on this theme would be on the days I have off, in which I either try to explore a new part of the City (weather permitting) or stay home

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Creative Writing: Haiku 9


Lazy day in with
Snow falling on the ground and
Outside it's too cold

Life Highlights: Time Slips By and Exciting News

The cute restaurant we went to for dinner called Pietro Nolita

Sorry for no post yesterday - I will do two today to make it up! But I got side tracked because I did errands this morning and I got to visit with my friend Jenny tonight! We had a great time reconnecting and hanging out - we even went to a cute little 1950s styled pink Italian restaurant in Nolita and I showed her different places around SoHo that I love. Truly, this visit was an answer to many prayers earlier this week about companionship and loneliness that I longed for and lamented. Case in point, I wasn't offered a gig today like it was suggested I would receive yesterday, and I got a text from Jenny out of the blue early this morning - truly God does deliver and renew our spirits!

Then I got even better news after she left - Todd and Annaliese are officially coming to see me this spring! It's all very exciting. I'm especially glad since I usually don't like spring and summer, but I know they, as well as several other friends, hope to visit during these seasons so it's nice to have something to look forward to!

Anyways, I'll post later today too after I've gone to bed, but this is a quick update for why I didn't post earlier!

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Creative Writing: Haiku 8

Image from the 2015 stage adaptation where Nick Offerman played Ignatius!
The misadventures
Ignatius J. Reilly
Perpetuates so

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Creative Writing: Haiku 7

Throwback to two weeks ago when I was warmer outside in the snow than I have been all week indoors

My fingers are numb
And baby it's cold outside
But tea warms me up

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

David Bowie: Jay Leno Interview

Bowie on the Tonight Show (1993)

I just recently stumbled across this excellent interview and performance Bowie did on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno back in 93.  (See Below)



It once again ensnared me into his oft-maligned and ridiculed 90s era (in particular his early 90s era, immediately post-Tin Machine is regarded as the time period when it was "cool to hate Bowie").  However, what's not to like about early 90s Bowie? It's the first time you see him so incredibly (dare I say effusively) happy after a decade of "mid-life crisis" wandering (both personally and professionally).

Here, he's a newlywed, beaming with pride after his marriage to Iman - in fact, his entire album Black Tie White Noise has a constant, underlying theme of love that's almost treacley sweet in comparison to the usual angsty, somber, never-end-well-actually-secretly-about-a-quest-for-spiritual-enlightenment love songs that he usually writes (although, of course, there's plenty of that in the album too).  Even in the interview, he's beaming with pride about the marriage that he regarded as the most successful thing he ever did.

He's also, as seen in this appearance, someone who has clearly re-discovered his love of making music.  After the commercial 'sell out' disaster of Never Let Me Down and his critical, commercial, and audience "favourite to hate" band Tin Machine, this album feels like it's going back to Bowie's roots.  Sure, there's an element in the album of the "forgettable" (and perhaps "date-able") electronic 90s music that will never make it a Ziggy Stardust.  However, more pervasively is the strong and rigorous underlying structure that makes the album a love letter to the jazz music that Bowie loved.  The R&B and jazz inspiration is never far from the work (musically or lyrically).

Thus, you should definitely watch this performance and interview as well as listen to Black Tie White Noise.  Sure, it's not my favourite album (it ranks, depending on my mood, in the lowest five of his works), but even my least favourite Bowie album is eons ahead of other artists' best work.  And it's well worth your time to see my favourite rocker getting back to doing what he loves with a cheeky grin and a sharp suit, singing (with little ambiguity regarding the message) about some of the best themes/messages in art: the ultimate control/Reality that is God/spirituality, racial reconciliation, and love.

Also, this album was released on my birthday (albeit two years before I was born), so you should listen to it for that reason alone (if nothing else).

Monday, December 25, 2017

Life Highlights: Merry Christmas



Merry Christmas Everyone! Tis the season for generosity, loved ones, and cheesy movies.  However, more than that, this season I think it is excellent to remember why exactly we have the holiday in the first place: in joyous celebration of the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

My church service did a great job of reminding me this year about what exactly is so special about His birth.  It is because of Him (and ONLY Him) that we, humanity, are made right (as in our debts have been forgiven) with God and that we can have a relationship with Him.  One that is intimately personal and gives us Hope, Joy, Love, and Peace (see: Advent).

This lovely Bowie song, in fact, captures (to me) the candles of Advent perfectly.  Although the lyrics were written hastily mere hours before the taping (Bowie refused to sing "Little Drummer Boy"), the simplicity of their message combined with Bowie's clear, melodious voice makes it a powerful piece.  It combines the themes of hope ("I pray my wish will come true/For my child and your child too"), joy ("He'll see the day of Glory"), and peace ("See the day when men of good will/Live in peace, live in peace again") all bound up in both a paternal love for his child and a larger universal, brotherly love for his fellow man.

So have a Merry Christmas and celebrate this amazing gift (honestly, the best gift we can ever hope to be given...ever)!

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Creative Writing: Top 12 Christmas Movies


Merry Christmas Eve!

In honour of the festivities, I present twelve of my favourite Christmas movies! These may not include every classic, but these are the films that somehow keep making their way back around every year in my household:

1. Nativity!
2. The Polar Express
3. Barbie's The Nutcracker
4. The Holiday
5. Nightmare Before Christmas
6. A Christmas Story
7. Home Alone
8. Love Actually
9. Unaccompanied Minors
10. Arthur Christmas
11. Elf
12. The Santa Clause

Bonus. Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Life Highlights: Weekly Reading (with an Emphasis on Eliot)

"April is the cruellest month..."
Bowie once said that, "when I'm relaxed what I do is read" and described a good week as one in which he pored through "three or four books". [x] And this week I was able to finish three lovely books - Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen, What is Art? by Leo Tolstoy, and Selected Poems by T.S. Eliot. Indeed, there is nothing better than being able to pore over some excellent texts like these.

The last of which was a particular delight I finished tonight, as I hadn't realised that I was lacking in my education of Eliot until recently. Like most people aware of pop culture, I knew of his poetry ("The Waste Land", of course, being the most famous), so I assumed that I had read him at some point in my years of consuming literature. However, after cracking open the book, I realised that I've actually never read Eliot (as in from a primary source), and I have only ever heard of him.

Although I haven't made the time to go over all the poems as thoroughly as, say, Bowie's catalogue, I already can tell you that Eliot's writing certainly stands up to its reputation. Mysterious, creepy, bleak, and enigmatic as all heck, Eliot is a wonderful writer who is worth going back to again and again (although he may not, perhaps, be the most appropriate author to read during the festive season). His poem "The Waste Land" is actually one of Bowie's Top 100 Favourite Books, and you can tell, as echoes from that work, as well as many of Eliot's other writings, leak their way into Bowie (most notably on his albums: Ziggy Stardust, Young Americans , The Next Day, Diamond Dogs, and David Bowie  (67)).

Which, speaking of music, my friend Sarabeth made a particularly excellent recommendation as well to listen to "Quatuor pour la fin du Temps" by Olivier Messiaen while reading the mysterious, darkened, bleak landscapes that Eliot depicts.

Friday, December 22, 2017

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Creative Writing: Haiku 5

La Cellule d'Or (1892) by Odilon Redon
This was used as the cover art for Tolstoy's What is Art? and the irony is hilarious as Tolstoy was firmly against the French, impressionist, symbolists (of which this painting embodies all three)

What is Art but a
Way of life -- universal
Brotherhood, the aim

(My summary of the text in Haiku form).

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Creative Writing: Haiku 4 (?)

Picture of the Highline overlooking the Hudson River in Chelsea (Meatpacking District) that I took on my lunch break today

Always Trust in the
LORD, your God, the Protector
Who loves and guides you

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Creative Writing: Humourous Tolstoy Review


I'm currently reading a marvellous book called What is Art?, which is a series of essays written by Leo Tolstoy (yes, that Tolstoy). It does a wonderful, nuanced examination of that behemoth of a queation, and when I finish the work, I will write a more serious review. But for now, I want to focus on one of my favourite things in art: petty, caustic feuds, rants, and disses between famous artists.

These are the things that make me laugh out loud because no matter your genius, you will always have opponents - often people in your own peer group that also happen to be geniuses. And I just get a kick out of the fact that artists from long ago could be just as funny, sarcastic, critical, and satirical as those of us now. For all their fancy artistry and respect they have (both then and now), none of them were above a (hilariously well written) rant.

Here are some choice quotes from Tolstoy's 11 page rant about Wagner (yes, that Wagner) and his production of "Nibelungen" (spoiler alert: Tolstoy hates it):

1. [In a rant about the first act] "The gist of this conversation, which can be learned only from the libretto, is that Siegfried was brought up by the dwarf, and for some reason hates him on account of that, and keeps wanting to kill him" and "He tells all this not simply, but in the form of riddles which he orders them to ask him, betting his head, God knows why, that he will unriddle them."

2. "...one sees and hears not Siegfried or the birds, but only the limited, self-confident bad tone and bad taste of a German, whose ideas of poetry are absolutely false, and who wants, in the most crude and primitive fashion, to convey these false notions of poetry to me."

3. "Everyone knows the feeling of distrust and resistance evoked by the obviousness of an author's intentions....the result is a heavy, tormenting feeling, similar to what anyone would experience if an ugly old woman, dressed up in a ballgown and smiling, twirled in front of you, certain of sympathy. This impression was reinforced because I saw around me a crowd of three thousand people who not only listened obediently to this totally incoherent gibberish, but considered it their duty to admire it.

4. "Somehow I managed to sit through the next scene....but more I could not endure, and I rushed from the theatre with a feeling of revulsion that I still cannot forget."

5. "It is the same when listening to Wagner's operas. Try sitting in the dark for four days in the company of not quite normal people, subjecting your brain to the strongest influence of sounds calculated to excite the brain by strongly affecting the nerves of hearing, and you are certain to arrive at an abnormal state and come to admire the absurdity. That does not even take four days; the five hours of a single day's performance...is enough."

6. "Even if there are people who are insulted by the senselessness and falseness [of Wagner], they keep timidly silent, as sober people keep timidly silent among the drunk."

7. "And so, owing to its masterful counterfeiting of art, a senseless, crude, false work, which has nothing to do with art, goes around the world, its production costing millions, and perverts more and more the tastes of upper-class people and their notion of what art is."

Monday, December 18, 2017

Life Highlights: Music or Television


God is very very good! Today I received two separate emails containing job opportunities! One of them was for an interview as an administrative assistant at a record company and the other was as a receptionist for the production branch of a television company!

The offer regarding the receptionist job would be under my temp agency for around a year with a steady hourly rate and a 9-5 Monday through Friday.  Since I would still be under my temp agency, this commitment would be substantially longer (as in it would be harder for me to apply to full-time jobs outside of the agency).  However, at the same time, this would be an excellent networking opportunity for me at the television company and I would have a full year of administrative experience securely under my belt.

The offer regarding the administrative assistant would be a full-time position under the actual record company.  It would be in the A&R department, and it would be the first step to a full-time career position (I would make a salary as opposed to an hourly rate, I could advance within the department, etc).  I would also be able to have the same type of great networking opportunity as with the previous job, but it would be in a different field.

The main catch is that for the television offer, I would start training on Friday and I would begin working right after New Year's.  Moreover, it's essentially a guaranteed position if I say yes.  In contrast, the record offer is just an interview, with no guarantee of a job and no way of knowing how long it would take to be hired (or not).

I definitely feel pretty conflicted.  Both are excellent opportunities, but I wish I had more time to decide which one I want to pursue - and more time to consult the Lord about it.  As soon as I heard from both offers, I started rejoicing before quickly descending into panic.  I was worried that I would pick the wrong one, that I would get neither job, that I wouldn't be qualified enough, etc. etc. etc.

Luckily, Ike came to the rescue and helped remind me that, "If God [gave me] these two options out of the blue, know that He is in control of the outcome.  Be interested in what HE is about to do".  Indeed, I myself wrote that I need to remember these steps whenever an opportunity like this arises: 1) Give (profuse) thanks to the Lord 2) Offer up my anxieties/worries/stress about the opportunity 3) View the opportunity not to be a time for selfish promotion, but for Glorification of God (as a representative of His Kingdom).

Of course, all of this is great in theory, but in practice it really is quite difficult.  I'm praying continuously about what the right decision is in this instance, and in many ways, I feel like the struggle I've felt for the past year (almost two!) about whether I should pursue music or television is at its natural conclusion (since I've indiscriminately gone after jobs in both fields).

In regards to film-making, I think I can be honest enough with myself to say that without the environment of my friends from California (and, indeed, LA itself), I don't care for film-making in its own right.  My favourite part of the industry was more related to the people I got to work with rather than the work itself.  However, that isn't to say the people aren't still a huge draw - I always love meeting interesting, creative people, and most of the time I get the privilege of doing so.  Additionally, I usually enjoy the indie film-making process more than the corporate one - I like being able to forge your own path and have fun with your friends.  However, if I ever seriously pursued film-making here I would definitely still hope to go into creating and developing children's programming and collaborating (until basically death) with Ike.

In regards to music, I think I can be honest enough with myself to say that I enjoy the history and prestige of it more than the novelty.  I can barely bring myself to listen to anything past 1989 and I enjoy the corporate business side of the industry - it's a fascinating blend of quick(er) turn-arounds for products, licensing, contracts, and the overall creative energies that I haven't been exposed to in film.  That isn't to say I think it doesn't exist in film-making, but I've never been able to get a close-up perspective of what it's like to be in a film agency (unlike music).  I think I prefer the corporate world of music - that isn't to say the "generic top 100" so much as the world behind what makes "hit songs" and the landscape of what we listen to as a whole.  I find the business aspect of it interesting and appealing because of the prestige and product associated with it (ie music).  Not to mention that I also enjoy the people I've met in the industry as well - everyone is extremely laid back, no-nonsense, and extremely interesting (similar, but different, to film).

In a lot of ways, I am reminded of the summer before my freshman year in high school.  I got a text from my then-mentor Megan, asking if I wanted to join yearbook with her.  I was flattered, enjoyed Megan's company, and decided to sign up.  At the time I thought I was still going to be a math teacher in a small school district.  Four years later, I achieved the social studies department award and was majoring in film at university.  Now, I find myself again faced with a decision that could set the next few years in motion (ie music or film).  Even if I don't get either job, I know that what I chose to do now is something that will shape the next few years whether directly (as in a new job) or indirectly (as in where I want to hone my skills).

If I come down to it, I've been (for the past two years) much more passionate about music - I love talking about it with my friends and family, and I find myself reminiscing on my days at Sony more than I ever do about my time at HBO (even if I did really different tasks at both).  I love the past of music and I look forward to the future (especially if I had a hand in shaping that landscape).

The main thing is that I don't want to abandon film completely because I also still get excited about the advances being made in Internetainment (as Rhett and Link call it), hope to one day make a great children's programme, and to once again work with Ike.  However, I think this dream is also firmly cemented in my life in LA, while NY calls me more towards music (ie Bowie, etc.)  So perhaps in my heart I've already chosen the record company, but I still feel pretty torn.  That isn't to say I can't pursue film earnestly in the future, but for my immediate future (ie my 20s at the very least), this definitive choice will set whichever path I chose in motion.

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Creative Writing: Northanger Abbey Review



Today I finished yet another of Austen's lovely novels - Northanger Abbey.  Published post-humorously, yet one of her first written, the situation surrounding the novel plays perfectly into its satire regarding mystery, art, and life.

NOTE: Review may not be spoiler-free, but also the book is a few hundred years old so spoiler warnings feel superfluous.

Although I didn't like this book as much as Mansfield Park, I still really enjoyed the story.  In particular, I loved how the book advanced its own thematic principles through satire and caricature, although at times it definitely paid for the device by a lack of character development that I'm used to seeing in Austen.  Or perhaps it's just that I'm more accustomed to her more mature style of writing, which lacks the tongue in cheek parody that is the primary style of the work.  Often I found myself laughing out loud at the actions, speeches, and descriptions of most of the characters and situations in the work.

The themes of mystery and intrigue are by far the most prevalent in the novel.  The heroine, as she is continuously described and humorously called throughout the novel, Catherine, is someone who is used to living in a family that are straight-forward, no-nonsense, honest characters.  As a result of her country life, she enjoys gothic novels (which were also popular at the time) that involve romance, mystery, intrigue, and the supernatural in order to liven her otherwise ordinary (though happy) existence.

Thus, when she goes to the Tilney's home called Northanger Abbey, she is full of expectation that her visit there will also be filled with the same kind of mystery and supernatural plotting that exists in novels.  However, her love interest, Henry, is quick to tease her and point out that nothing of that sort really happens.  Austen continues to play on her expectations and fantasies while also mocking the tropes of the gothics - Catherine suspects General Tilney to be a murderer, she hopes to discover some hidden treasure or manuscript in a cupboard, and she tries to see if the late Mrs. Tilney left any secret journals in her closed chambers.  However, all of her expectations are continuously revealed to be foolish - General Tilney is not a murderer, there's nothing more than a laundry bill in the linen cupboard, and Mrs. Tilney's rooms are ordinary.

Instead, all of the mystery and intrigue actually comes from the deceitful actions and words of the characters Catherine encounters.  Although no murderers, Catherine is surprised by her friend Isabella's deceitfulness towards both her brother James and herself, as Isabella breaks off her engagement to James, but tries to fool Catherine into believing it was not her fault.  She is similarly unused to General Tilney saying one thing while meaning another, believing him to be in earnest when he proclaims that money and status don't mean anything to him, while in reality, it does.  She also doesn't realise that part of John Thorpe's boastful, talkative nature is meant to forward a pursuit of her hand until Isabella tells her so.  In short, although the characters have no malicious, evil, supernatural types of deceit, theirs is found to be much more common and insightful about humanity as a whole.  All of them are susceptible to vanity and the hypocrisy of society - Catherine is one of the few characters who "says what she means" and is a direct contrast to everyone else.

Hand in hand with this theme, Austen's commentary on how life doesn't (and shouldn't aspire to) reflect art is all too clear.  To be caught in such fanciful imaginings are foolish, and the mundane of social connections, maintaining a home, and furthering the character of an individual are to be cherished in their own right.  The most obvious example of this is how Catherine's eagerness for supernatural adventure is constantly contrasted with the intrigue of relationships formed, maintained, or broken by each of the characters, and how Henry constantly steers her towards improving her mind on such topics.

Which, speaking of Henry, he may be the plainest of Austen's heroes, but in some ways, one of her most honest which illuminates her third satirical theme regarding everyday life.  Henry is the second son, a clergyman with a modest income, and "almost handsome".  Aside from serving as a foil to Catherine's fanciful, imaginative nature, Henry doesn't make any grand gestures of affection towards the novel's heroine.  In fact, the narrator sheepishly admits that his affection for her, although by the end of the novel due to its own merits, in fact, started simply because Catherine liked him first.  This is consistent with Austen's descriptions of their interactions, which are usually described as Catherine being ashamed that she knows so little regarding a topic they are discussing, and fearful that this will make Henry not like her.  However, the exact opposite occurs, and Catherine's ignorance, open affection, and eager audience to Henry simply endear her further to him.  In short, it's a parody of a more familial modern stereotype that "girls need to act dumb to get boys to like them".  However, rather than endorsing this message, Austen instead uses the relationship of Henry and Catherine to further the enjoyment and fulfilment of a normal, everyday type of romance and interaction rather than a torrid, mysterious affair as seen in the gothic novels Catherine enjoys.

However, that isn't to say that Henry is a bland, vanilla love interest to Catherine as this article delightfully adovcates. He is thoughtful, unafraid to profess an interest in "women's" activities and enjoyments like fashion and novels, and never makes fun of Catherine for her fanciful imagination or her lesser status. Through and through Henry is almost ridiculously respective and eager to genuinely get to know Catherine and her interests. In short, he's a stand up hero in the fact that his character has so little to alter unlike Mr. Darcy - he is already someone worth Catherine's affections.

All in all, this was a very enjoyable read, and it definitely made me want to give her other three famous novels - Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion, and Emma a read as soon as I can! And, if anything, what reading two more of Austen's novels has taught me it's that her work is astonishingly timeless, brilliantly witty, and shows what exactly is gained in art when women come to it with their own unique perspective.

4/5 - Would recommend for those of us, like myself, who like to imagine a world of make-believe to be infinitely superior to that of the real one, and sometimes need a comedic reminder that real life can be just as mysterious and captivating

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Creative Writing: Thoughts on Austen

Jane Austen (at least, according to Biography.com on Google search)

Since Pride and Prejudice is one of my favourite books (I've read it all the way through more than three times), it was only a matter of time before I caved and started reading more of her works.  A few months ago I finished Mansfield Park, and now I am currently reading Northanger Abbey.  If anything, I am constantly reminded of 1) How brilliant Austen really is and 2) How much women really do contribute a unique perspective in literature.

To the first point, I am constantly amazed at how much quick wit, shrewd observation, and brilliant insight she offers to both the woman's mind and the gentleman's, about the social structure and hypocrisy that was rife in both her time (and now), and on themes ranging from love in marriage to love in family to love in friendship.  Despite not being married herself, and living over two hundred years ago, every time I read her writing I am astonished at how current her work continues to be.  Since I only experienced the most famous of her works for many years, I wasn't previously aware of her tone and style.  However, after (almost) finishing two more of her works I am happy to say that hers is one marked by her intelligent and humorous observations that have the characteristic mark of a woman.

I am consistently amazed at how her writing is still so current to today.  The follies and virtues of her characters regarding love, marriage, family, and friendship still hold true today - shockingly fresh and funny.  Many times while reading her work, I find myself eager to finish them just to find out what happens next - it's better than any period drama on today.

I found myself groaning aloud at the all too familiar stupidity of Edmund in Mansfield Park as he fell for Mary solely based on a fantasy of her that wasn't at all based on reality.  How often to we have an infatuation with someone based on their supposed, idealized character instead of seeing them for who they really are? How often do we tend to dismiss their faults and think only of their positive attributes?

And just today, after learning that Northanger Abbey is supposed to be a satire of the gothic genre that was popular in her time, the entire book is absolutely ridiculous in the best way possible (a la Chesterton).  I caught myself laughing aloud at Austen's description of Catherine endearing herself to Henry because although she felt ashamed that she had no knowledge about art, her eagerness to learn, open affection, and ignorance of the topic was what in actuality made her more attractive to him.  How often have we as women been told that to be "ignorant" or "dumb" is the best way to attract a man?

Not to mention the delight I always get when I re-read Pride and Prejudice.  Although it can be seen as a frivolous book that merely serves as a cookie cutter "rom-com formula", that would be to thoroughly dismiss a masterpiece on social commentary and the human soul.  It's a book all about first impressions, misunderstandings, and love (familial, platonic, and of course romantic) that never goes out of fashion simply because we still have those exact same desires - and failings - today.

To the second point, this has a large part to do with my Torrey experience.  Although an amazing curriculum, one of the biggest flaws I found was its lack of female and people of colour writers.  I've chosen to dismiss the POC part of the critique (for now), simply because it is a western civilization course, and therefore most of its writers will undoubtedly be white (because, Europe).  So instead, I've chosen to advocate for more female writers.  Moreover, in comparing houses, Johnson House (which was mine) chose to exclude and include certain texts to fit the theme-based curriculum.  This in itself is not a negative thing, but the texts they chose to exclude were mainly the female authors (of which there were already too few) in favour of additional texts by Aristotle or other male authors.  Thus, instead of books like Frankenstein, Jane Eyre, and Wuthering Heights, Johnson House read additional writings by Augustine, Aristotle, and the like.  This I consider a gross oversight, as although the male authors are excellent, we already had a thorough overview of their writings, and we could do with some variety.

But if the authors and genres seem too different to compare, the best example I can think of can be found in comparing Austen and Tolstoy because they are similar in genre and are both found in the Johnson House Torrey curriculum.  Both of them offer novels with a female protagonist, social and historical criticism, and insight into marriage, family, friendship, and love.

Anna Karenina may be another of my favourite books, but one cannot help but observe that the style of writing is distinctly masculine.  This is mainly because the observations Tolstoy is concerned with, although still about social interactions and relationships, still offer a distinctly masculine perspective in how he characterises the women.  To me, this was most evident because although I found myself nodding along with his shrewd insight into such things like the relationships between men and women, his observations were novel to me.  His characterization of a strong female protagonist unlike anything I would've imagined - Anna is a complex woman who is hard to pin down, and many of her actions seem sudden and unpredictable (at first glance).

In comparison, Austen's novels offer observations that are just as truthful, but with a strong element of humour that Tolstoy's lack.  Her style of writing is distinctly feminine in how the narrator has a strong, sarcastic tone that often points out the stupidity of the character's follies or praises their virtues.  More often than not I find her observations between men and women ones that I myself have had (although I could not describe it as elegantly as she).  In essence, her "thought process" and logical reasoning behind the character's actions feel more similar to how my own brain looks at a social situation rather than Tolstoy's.

Neither is a negative - on the contrary, as I previously asserted they are two writers that I greatly respect who have written some of my all-time favourite books.  Instead, I want to point out that although I have not described it very well, there is just something more feminine - a sense of coming home rather than venturing to a foreign land in the way that Austen's writing feels.  The logic and reasoning behind character motivations, the flow of the writing, the concern with the social and inner lives of others are all female in a way that has to do with the traditional role of a woman to "observe" while a man is to "do" (an act/action).  Thus, it would serve Torrey well to include more female writers in their selection.  It will offer their students a truly unique perspective that a bunch of men could never fully offer.

Life Highlights: Oops! Forgot to Post and Christmas Book Haul


I feel so daft, but as a human I'm prone to err here and there - my determination to write every day was totally forgotten yesterday as I abandoned this blog.  Although, I will say I think it's pretty good going that this was the first instance of forgetting since I started this blog over five months ago.

Therefore, let me make-up today with two blogs.  This one including a post from my Instagram showing the fine Christmas Book Haul I got this year (a mix of family and friends and my own personal recommendations - see above and below).  As some further points of interest, I am currently reading Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen (which can be credited for my rather odd and formal way of writing right now), and I recently fished Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.  Moreover, the two books inspired by Bowie's Top 100 Books list that can be pictured above were A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole and Selected Poems by T.S. Eliot.

Christmas Book Haul 2017:
Bowie took 400 books with him to Mexico to the shoot of 1976 film The Man Who To Earth. He told Mr Showbiz in 1997: "I was dead scared of leaving them in New York, because I was knocking around with some dodgy people and I didn't want them nicking any of my books." 
That set a pattern of taking a travelling library on tour and Bowie said: "I had these cabinets – it was a travelling library – and they were rather like the boxes that amplifiers get packed up in. . . because of that period, I have an extraordinarily good collection of books." - The Telegraph

In alphabetical order:

The Grip of Film by Richard Ayoade
Selected Poems by T.S. Eliot
Pretentiousness: Why It Matters by Dan Fox
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Origami City by Shuki Kato and Jordan Langerak
The Complete Stories by Flannery O'Connor
What is Art? by Leo Tolstoy
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
Things Organized Neatly curated by Austin Radcliffe

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Life Highlights: Snow Day

Bowie in a New York snowfall - from the hairstyle my guess is that this picture was taken around 2013-2014
By far the best thing about today was that it was SNOWING!! I woke up around 6:30am and looked out my window - what did I see? A crack in the sky and SNOW falling down on me! Then I looked at my text messages and saw that my roommate told me it was snowing around midnight.  She knows how much I love the snow (and I know how much she doesn't like it), so I thought it was very nice that she texted me to let me know!

I couldn't contain myself and I literally jumped out of bed to get dressed - I didn't even have breakfast - and I was out my door before 8am.  I walked over to Central Park immediately because I wanted to get some good pictures in before all the ploughs had shoved it to the side and people's footprints ruined the virgin snowfall.  Not to mention that the weather report said it would stop snowing around noon, and the sun would come out all afternoon.  So I made sure I got out of bed while it was still snowing.

I ended up spending about two hours frolicking in the snow, taking lots of pictures of the park, before deciding to head back.  I actually walked the entire width of the park without knowing it before I turned myself back around to head home towards the Eastside.

All in all an excellent "first snow" day for me in 2017, even though I didn't get to experience the actual first snow on Sunday, and this wasn't my first snow day in New York.  That was actually almost three years ago in 2015 (the day after Bowie's 68th birthday!), and Manar and I took some lovely pictures of Central Park at that time too (pictured below):





But instead of those pictures, here are (just some of) the ones that I took today!















Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Creative Writing: Haiku 3

View of Bryant Park from the second floor of HBO

To hear one's passion
Joyously shared with strangers
Music has triumphed

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Current Contemplation: Grief and Melancholy

Bowie in his 2013 "Where Are We Now?" promotional music video

So recently I've been meditating on melancholy, sadness, and overall grief.  In particular, I've contemplated how I'm not really good at any of it.  After reading a Brave New World, I realised that I, like Lenina and so many other denizens of "civilization", am not very good at being "unhappy".

Whenever I feel remotely uncomfortable - melancholy, heartache, sadness, upset, the whole lot of "unhappy" emotions - I immediately seek to remedy it with something else to "numb" myself to the sensation.  Anything from diving into a comedy like Good Mythical Morning to a novel to doing almost anything else I can think of to make the sadness go away.

However, in particular, I think that my psyche is trying to make up for me not grieving properly (as in a spiritually and emotionally healthy/constructive outlet for my manifestation of grief, rather than a particular type of manifestation) by making me feel (occasionally) sad about Bowie's passing.

Case in point, I was watching the music videos for "Love is Lost" and "Where Are We Now?" tonight and I became dismally melancholy.  It's the same sadness that made me stop watching his 1987 Glass Spider Tour part way through because I got so upset that he's dead, and the same loss that has stopped me from watching the wonderful documentary The Last Five Years for over a year.  Yet, whenever I think about processing my grief for my favourite artist (the mentor, friend, and companion I never met), I instead tend to distract myself with other pieces of his work (or something else altogether) when I get too upset.  For example, I became so distressed tonight that I immediately sought out a different music video of his from the 1980s ("China Girl").

This really drove the point home to me tonight that even for someone I've never met I am still unable to properly grieve.  I haven't really processed the sensation of loss I felt for him and his work almost two years ago.  Instead, I've shoved it into a darkened corner of my mind and firmly denied that he ever died (most of the time).  Indeed, if you've ever heard me talk about him, my tenses are usually a weird mix of present and past referring to Bowie's likes, dislikes, work, etc.  In short, Bowie has been a part of my mind trying (and failing) to properly grieve for a larger array of things in my own life from changing relationships to actual loss to new beginnings.  Since I have refused to take on more "personal" aspects, I think my mind has attempted to channel a lot of my grief into one vehicle (ie Bowie).  However, even in that I still find it too difficult and "silly" to grieve for someone that has inspired me for the past two years.

In sum, I do not "do" grief very well (if at all).  I'm not sure where to go from here, other than to (occasionally) let myself feel melancholy and take the whole journey one day at a time.

Monday, December 11, 2017

Life Highlights: Annaliese Promo

Me, Annaliese, and Todd taking a selfie in the woods
Hello, Lovely Blog Readers! Although I have a lot of thoughts and feelings related to my trip back home for the holidays, I wanted to promote my friend Annaliese's work instead!

She took some absolutely amazing photos of Todd and myself that really highlight both ourselves and our 14+ year long friendship.  It obviously doesn't hurt that she's also been our friend for over 10 years, and knows both of us extremely well.

Anyways, here's a selection of my favourite shots, unedited, for you to enjoy!









Sunday, December 10, 2017

Creative Writing: Brave New World Review


"But I like the inconveniences."
"We don't," said the Controller. "We prefer to do things comfortably."
"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."
"In fact," said Mustapha Mond, "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."
"All right then," said the Savage defiantly, "I'm claiming the right to be unhappy."
"Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphilis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen tomorrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of every kind." There was a long silence.
"I claim them all," said the Savage at last.
Mustapha Mond shrugged his shoulders. "You're welcome," he said.

-- "Brave New World"

Finally read "Brave New World" today after years of having it on my "To Read" list. I am happy to say that all of the "hype" (of 80 years) was not misplaced, and it was just as thought provoking and terrifying as promised.

And, as a side note, if you are like me and have never read the book for some bizarre reason, an (80 years too late) SPOILERS AHEAD WARNING! But if you are like most people and have read, or at least know in passing pop culture references to the work, then forge onward.

I was surprised at it's length - I thought for sure it would be at least as long as "1984", and I was also surprised at the large and varied cast of characters. Of course, I tried to read it on its own merit, but it was difficult not to compare it to its equally, if not more famous, Orwellian counterpart.

Immediately I was reminded of my friend Mitchell's facebook post, in which he shared a comic that showed how Orwell posited that what we hate would destroy us, while Huxley posited that what we love  (or desire) would destroy us. Indeed, both are terrifying, but there's something particularly truthful in Huxley's telling that Orwell's lacks. Of course, here I'm thinking of America's propensity towards engorging and indulging itself in the quest for happiness - at whatever cost. Huxley's prediction that we would be okay with a vapid, shallow substitute for happiness at the cost of dignity, humanity, liberty, and high art seems to be fulfilled in a "lite" form of our 21st century hook-up culture, drug and alcohol addiction, demand for immediate gratification, and lack of interest in pursuing anything that seems to have "insurmountable" odds against us.

It's rather shocking, for instance, how unlike Orwell's subverted morality, Huxley assumes a passive one. It's not that we need to completely mask and change our quest for virtue, but make the journey seem completely and wholly unappealing - to tell the Consumer (for that is what the denizens of Huxley's world are - Consumers and Cogs in Community that are dispensable and stable) that the journey for morality is not worth the discomfort and patience in comparison to the pleasure they could have today. Morality isn't eliminated out of suppression, but out of apathy. No one cares about old fashioned values if they get in the way of better progress.

Indeed, the clearly dismissive tone of the satire in regards to religion (obviously contrasted by the various quotations from forbidden books by the end of the novel) is not far from the "enlightened" progressive of today, who preaches and praises science (or at least a watered down version of it, akin to what's described in the novel), rather than superstitious and antiquated religious beliefs. For rather than religion being the end of man, the pursuit of happiness is all that exists in a world of the material, corporeal now (in comparison to a world that understands the ethereal, spiritual eternity).

The dizzying cast of characters Huxley introduces is also spectacular. Indeed, I would be hard pressed to say who the "hero" of the story is - or even if there's a character that exhibits real, sustainable virtue and/or enlightenment. Certainly Bernard would be a good candidate if it wasn't for his pathetic cowardness, oddly placed arrogance, and lack of criticism for his world's inescapable caste system as long as he benefits from it. Then there's John, the "Savage" who seems to be the most human of all the cast (having read Shakespeare, grieved at the death of his mother, concern with the state of the soul, and interest in marrying/loving Lenina rather than solely lusting after her). However, he too is prone to moral corruption as evidenced by his rage against everyone from Pope and the people he lives with on the Reservation to Lenina and the people he encounters in Civilization. Which, speaking of, Lenina may be a hopeful heroine - she is the only female protagonist, and in particular she gets plenty of exposure to the ideas of the learned band of outcasts who long for something more. Yet she fails to grasp any of the (admittedly incoherent) exclamations of dissatisfaction and yearning for something more that the men shout. She has no conception of the virtue found in monogamy, dignity beyond what she can offer with her sexuality, or of a life where unhappiness can't be escaped from with a simple "soma" holiday. Certainly Mustapha Mond, this world's "O'Brien" (from "1984 ) equivalent, wouldn't be the hero, (and his part is more like a secondary character). However, aside from Mr. Watson or John, he is the only other truly "learned man" in the novel that understands that the order of the brave new world has gone against nature.

In short, there is no Winston to root for in this dystopia - merely a cast of complex characters who, in turn, try and fail to achieve a sense of dignity or enlightenment. Each attempt and each person too weighed down by years of subversive conditioning and social order, lack of education, and failure to meaningfully pursue any type of moral progress (or indeed even have a teacher to show them how). This in turn shows, which I like, how just because a man has access to Shakespeare or the Bible, without a mentor (and a meaningful relationship therein), works still fall short of teaching the Truth. Like Bowie's character said of television in "The Man Who Fell to Earth, "The strange thing about television is that it doesn't tell you everything. It shows you everything about life on Earth, but the true mysteries remain. Perhaps it's in the nature of television. Just waves in space."

Another point of interest that I enjoyed was how Huxley, like Orwell and Burgess (in "A Clockwork Orange's" famous torture scene), was interested interested in how thought, behaviour, and morality were linked, although Huxley approached the scene unlike the other two. Rather, Huxley chose to start the conditioning at the point of conception instead of introducing torture after a "defective" morality or thought-crime. His description of the treatment to embryos and children is certainly one of the most jarring and arresting opening scenes I've ever had the pleasure to read. Not to mention how all three men use language in an ingenious way to make their point about how language and thought are also intertwined, although Huxley's is more clever word play than the dizzying complexity of Burgess' narrative or Orwell's systematic newspeak.

So all in all an excellent dystopia that definitely proves why Huxley's book has been labelled a classic for decades. 

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Friday, December 8, 2017

Creative Writing: Haiku


Annaliese challenged me with writing a haiku today for an Instagram caption, but it was pretty horrible. So here's my second attempt for the same picture (seen above):

Walking in the woods
Finally space to breathe out
And in again. Pause.

Note: Time stamp altered again from EST 00:49 to PST 21:49 to reflect my current time zone.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

David Bowie: OTD "Lazarus"

On this day two years ago David Bowie made his last public appearance at the opening performance of his wonderful musical, "Lazarus".

A lot has changed since then. We've gotten a new president, Britain is no longer a part of the EU, Kendrick Lamar released "DAMN.", Beyonce had twins, and I moved house two times. But all of this still pales in comparison to the great loss we experienced one month and two days after this phenomenal premiere.

It makes me melancholy to realise this was taken two years ago (already?! Since when was 2015 two years ago - now almost three?!), but I'm excited to see Bowie's legacy live on and to see where the music scene goes next, knowing that he will always have a place in music (and world) history.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Life Highlights: Hometown Besties

Fun Snapchats from Today with Mayo, Bubs, & Todd
Today I sadly had to say goodbye to my grandparents and Manar, but I also happily got to say hello to my two best friends from childhood - Annaliese and Todd!

Last night was my last night in my childhood bedroom before going into town for my chiropractor appointment. Then Manar and I got a final meal at Bridgewater before heading over to drop off the leftovers and say goodbye to our mom. Afterwards we headed over to the grandparents to say goodbye and visit before going to the airport in Eugene (with a quick stop at Dutch Bros before the journey commenced). There, I dropped off Mayo and said my final goodbyes (imploring her to be safe with all these fires!).

Once the Snake left, then I headed up to Salem to see Todd and Annaliese. On the way I decided to finally learn all the lyrics to "Young Americans" (the song, not the album), with mixed results, before I got to their house. Once here, I had fun visiting with Annaliese before Todd showed up after work. We all visited, they opened their presents (which were thankfully - and joyfully - received well), and we all went to dinner at a place called the Kitchen (that had some great mac and cheese). Afterwards, we came back to their house and visited some more before going to bed (which, speaking of, they have so much space in their house that I got a spare bedroom all to myself across from the other spare bedroom which Todd's rabbit inhabits - imagine having so much space your pet has their own bedroom!).

So all in all it's been both a joyful and saddening day with all of the hellos and goodbyes I once again had to give everyone. But despite the ups and downs, I can't wait to spend a full day with my friends tomorrow!

Note: Another manual time stamp change to reflect the accurate PST reading of 22:22

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Life Highlights: A Very Merry (early) Christmas

Merry Christmas From Our Family to Yours!
Merry (early) Christmas Everyone! Since tickets are too expensive on actual Christmas, and my mom is busy during the Christmas season in general, we decided to celebrate early this year! So we combined our holidays into one giant Thanksgiving-Christmas-New-Year's celebration, along with a birthday celebration for both my mom and grandpa. So today was our marvellous Christmas morning/Thanksgiving dinner!

We started by opening out stockings, then getting ready for my grandparents to arrive. We also had the classic cinnamon rolls for breakfast along with a nice cup of festive peppermint tea. I got an excellent haul this year - five scarves, five pairs of scarves, some doterra oils, a pair of earmuffs, a weighted blanket, and two gift cards - and the rest of the family opened presents together, which was lovely.

Then we all visited before having Thanksgiving lunch/dinner, and afterwards we played Rummikub and Skip-bo. The family favourite/classic, I always love Rummikub - not to mention that I usually win (and I did today too), but Manar got a new card game called Skip-bo today which was also excellent (Manar, my mom, and myself all won [in that order]). Then we said goodbye to the grandparents for the evening before relaxing together again.

By far, obviously, the best present has been my (and the family's) presence all together again. Seeing everyone after so long (even though it's just been four months) has been greatly replenishing to my soul. And I'm pretty happy I got to see everyone before going to complete the trip by seeing my best friends (Todd and Annaliese) tomorrow!

Monday, December 4, 2017

Life Highlights: Flo Town with the Sister


We couldn't take a nice picture because the sun was in our eyes, so this was the best we could do
Went adventuring with the sister today! After my chiropractor appointment in the morning we went to get lunch at the first restaurant I ever worked at (1285 Restobar). Then we went to get some coffee and peppermint hot chocolate at Coffee Roasters (now called River Roasters) before heading out to Heceta Head to go for a nice drive and look at some pretty scenery. However, it was pretty darn cold so we didn't stay long before heading back into town. I picked up some Christmas cards at Freddie's before dropping off yet another Christmas package at the post office and heading back home. Luckily, it was getting dark so the construction didn't hold me up like the last two times I went into town earlier today. Then Manar took the car back into town to visit some family and friends while I had an absolutely delightful conversation with Alex. I napped for a bit before my mom came home to make dinner, and now it's back to bed!

I'm definitely excited for our family's early Christmas tomorrow - it will be great fun and bonding for everyone!

Note: Time zones make keeping a blog with accurate time stamps impossible. It is currently 21:57PST, which means I will alter the time stamp to reflect this time rather than "missing" a day (note as well that's why the number of blog posts for Sept and Aug are off)